Posted by What a Bitch at cache-dl09.proxy.aol.com on April 09, 2003 at 00:44:33:
What would you think of a letter like this?
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I guess I probably should have written this email a
long time ago, but only recently have my actions
really become clear to me. I went through a pretty
tough time in the past few months, harder then I think
I was willing to let myself believe. The only way I
know how to react when things become hard is to
a)close myself off b)run away c)hurt people before
they can hurt me more than I already am d)pretend as
though I can fix everything on my own and distrust all
of those who offer to help e)ignore the pain I have
caused others and fool myself into believing that
somehow my actions towards them were warranted.
You wrote me an email a while back that said it was
like you didn't know me anymore, well to a point you
were right. There is the girl that I let you see when
you were here and then there is the girl who came out
when my world collapsed. It's a big part of who I am,
when I am hurt I run and I hurt others. It is an ugly
part of who I am and all I can do is apologize for you
having to witness a very hard time in my life. Further
more:
I am sorry for all of the ways I have hurt you.
I am sorry for not being strong enough to have
remained your girlfriend.
I am sorry for abandoning you when I think you needed
me the most.
I'm sorry for not letting you in when I think I needed
you the most.
I'm sorry for all the times I left you confused.
I'm sorry for any time you spent thinking that any of
this was your fault.
I'm sorry for any of the times you may have doubted me
or thought that there was another man.
I'm sorry for not realizing sooner how wonderful of a
man you are.
I am so sorry for not understanding that you were
doing the best that you could to keep us together
under the circumstances.
I'm sorry for not being the woman you thought I was.
I'm sorry I can't say these things to you face to
face.
I'm sorry for not making enough time for you.
I'm sorry for forgetting how you made me feel the
night we walked in the park.
And I'm sorry for the awkwardness that I have caused
between us.
I don't know that this letter will rectify anything in
your eyes and I don't know if any of this even begins
to explain how baddly I feel about ever hurting your
feelings or if you ever wanted to read anything of
this nature. I guess in the end I just wanted you to
know that I thank you for having entered my life.
The truth of the matter is that I really don't trust
people. I don't know how to depend on people and too
many "friends" have betrayed me in my life to make
that part of myself change very easily. I know now
that you would never intentionally hurt me and I see
how wrong I was in immediately putting up a wall and
removing you from me. Believe me you aren't the only
person I have done that to and I've paid a heavy cost
for many of those decisions. Some people have fought
me and some people have let me push them away.
Sometimes I am right when I do it and sometimes I
suffer another regret. I didn't want you to become a
regret.
I miss you very much and I don't know that I can
express how much I care for you. I am proud of you and
want you to know that I have thought of you every day
since the day we met.
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Would you take her back?
Would you be suprised that this came from a woman?