My God.I'm crying truly *nt*

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: : What would you think of a letter like this? : : -------------------------------------- : : I guess I probably should have written this email a : : long time ago, but only recently have my actions : : really become clear to me. I went through a pretty : : tough time in the past few months, harder then I think : : I was willing to let myself believe. The only way I : : know how to react when things become hard is to : : a)close myself off b)run away c)hurt people before : : they can hurt me more than I already am d)pretend as : : though I can fix everything on my own and distrust all : : of those who offer to help e)ignore the pain I have : : caused others and fool myself into believing that : : somehow my actions towards them were warranted. : : You wrote me an email a while back that said it was : : like you didn't know me anymore, well to a point you : : were right. There is the girl that I let you see when : : you were here and then there is the girl who came out : : when my world collapsed. It's a big part of who I am, : : when I am hurt I run and I hurt others. It is an ugly : : part of who I am and all I can do is apologize for you : : having to witness a very hard time in my life. Further : : more: : : I am sorry for all of the ways I have hurt you. : : I am sorry for not being strong enough to have : : remained your girlfriend. : : I am sorry for abandoning you when I think you needed : : me the most. : : I'm sorry for not letting you in when I think I needed : : you the most. : : I'm sorry for all the times I left you confused. : : I'm sorry for any time you spent thinking that any of : : this was your fault. : : I'm sorry for any of the times you may have doubted me : : or thought that there was another man. : : I'm sorry for not realizing sooner how wonderful of a : : man you are. : : I am so sorry for not understanding that you were : : doing the best that you could to keep us together : : under the circumstances. : : I'm sorry for not being the woman you thought I was. : : I'm sorry I can't say these things to you face to : : face. : : I'm sorry for not making enough time for you. : : I'm sorry for forgetting how you made me feel the : : night we walked in the park. : : And I'm sorry for the awkwardness that I have caused : : between us. : : I don't know that this letter will rectify anything in : : your eyes and I don't know if any of this even begins : : to explain how baddly I feel about ever hurting your : : feelings or if you ever wanted to read anything of : : this nature. I guess in the end I just wanted you to : : know that I thank you for having entered my life. : : The truth of the matter is that I really don't trust : : people. I don't know how to depend on people and too : : many "friends" have betrayed me in my life to make : : that part of myself change very easily. I know now : : that you would never intentionally hurt me and I see : : how wrong I was in immediately putting up a wall and : : removing you from me. Believe me you aren't the only : : person I have done that to and I've paid a heavy cost : : for many of those decisions. Some people have fought : : me and some people have let me push them away. : : Sometimes I am right when I do it and sometimes I : : suffer another regret. I didn't want you to become a : : regret. : : I miss you very much and I don't know that I can : : express how much I care for you. I am proud of you and : : want you to know that I have thought of you every day : : since the day we met. : : ----------------------------------------------- : : Would you take her back? : : Would you be suprised that this came from a woman?

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