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Posted by Eyesonly at zeb.zqwdrqsz.com on May 15, 2003 at 09:14:36:

In Reply to: this makes me ashamed to be Australian *nt* posted by Nixx_is_a_girl on May 15, 2003 at 09:02:06:

: : Extracts from the 1988 edition of
: : "The Oz Blokes Guide to Spottting a Poofter"
: : If the answer is "yes" to any of the following questions, then the gallah in question is probably a poofter and deserves a thorough thrashing. Just to be on the safe side, thrash the bastard anyway.

: : 1) Is he a flaming Pommie bastard?

: : 2) Does he wear too much mascara, the wrong shade of lippy and smokes his fags using a long fag holder?

: : 3) Does he apologise when he lets rip with a particularly stinky fart?

: : 4) When he opens a tinnie, does he pour the contents into a glass before drinking?

: : 5) Does he spend a more than the usual amount of timing squeezing your bum than is considered normal for an ordinary mate?

: : 6) Does he have a poofter name like Julian, Gervaise, Binky or Doris? (The parents always know!)

: : 7) Does he swallow rather than spit like a true bloke?

: : 8) Does he use his tongue when he first kisses you?

: : 9) Does he admit to looking pretty in pink?

: : 10) Are the corks around his hat from some bloody foreign plonk with a queer name?

: : 11) Does he stand very close to you and indulge in light social chit chat when you are pointing Percy at the porcelain?

: : 12) Has he ever asked for assistance in training Terrence at the terracotta because his nail polish was still wet?

: : 13) When faced with the question "Are you a flaming poofter, you bastard?" does he answer in the affirmative? (For all you Ockers, that means does he say "yes".)

: : 14) Have you caught him at the back passage when there was still a sheilah available (this includes ugly sheilahs and abo sheilahs)?

: : 15) When you imply that your mouth is as dry as an extremely dry place when there has been no rain for years and you are in desperate need of a cold one, does he offer you a port and lemon?

: : A final piece of advice: If he looks like a flaming poofter, he probably is one.

: : Do you know of any further tests/observations?

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: : : Extracts from the 1988 edition of : : : "The Oz Blokes Guide to Spottting a Poofter" : : : If the answer is "yes" to any of the following questions, then the gallah in question is probably a poofter and deserves a thorough thrashing. Just to be on the safe side, thrash the bastard anyway. : : : 1) Is he a flaming Pommie bastard? : : : 2) Does he wear too much mascara, the wrong shade of lippy and smokes his fags using a long fag holder? : : : 3) Does he apologise when he lets rip with a particularly stinky fart? : : : 4) When he opens a tinnie, does he pour the contents into a glass before drinking? : : : 5) Does he spend a more than the usual amount of timing squeezing your bum than is considered normal for an ordinary mate? : : : 6) Does he have a poofter name like Julian, Gervaise, Binky or Doris? (The parents always know!) : : : 7) Does he swallow rather than spit like a true bloke? : : : 8) Does he use his tongue when he first kisses you? : : : 9) Does he admit to looking pretty in pink? : : : 10) Are the corks around his hat from some bloody foreign plonk with a queer name? : : : 11) Does he stand very close to you and indulge in light social chit chat when you are pointing Percy at the porcelain? : : : 12) Has he ever asked for assistance in training Terrence at the terracotta because his nail polish was still wet? : : : 13) When faced with the question "Are you a flaming poofter, you bastard?" does he answer in the affirmative? (For all you Ockers, that means does he say "yes".) : : : 14) Have you caught him at the back passage when there was still a sheilah available (this includes ugly sheilahs and abo sheilahs)? : : : 15) When you imply that your mouth is as dry as an extremely dry place when there has been no rain for years and you are in desperate need of a cold one, does he offer you a port and lemon? : : : A final piece of advice: If he looks like a flaming poofter, he probably is one. : : : Do you know of any further tests/observations?

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Don't be - no-one will think this is serious *nt*

Don't be - no-one will think this is serious nt