Posted by Nixx_is_a_girl at ess-p-144-138-202-196.mega.tmns.net.au on May 15, 2003 at 09:02:06:
In Reply to: The Oz Blokes Guide to Spottting a Poofter posted by Eyesonly on May 15, 2003 at 08:02:58:
: Extracts from the 1988 edition of
: "The Oz Blokes Guide to Spottting a Poofter"
: If the answer is "yes" to any of the following questions, then the gallah in question is probably a poofter and deserves a thorough thrashing. Just to be on the safe side, thrash the bastard anyway.
: 1) Is he a flaming Pommie bastard?
: 2) Does he wear too much mascara, the wrong shade of lippy and smokes his fags using a long fag holder?
: 3) Does he apologise when he lets rip with a particularly stinky fart?
: 4) When he opens a tinnie, does he pour the contents into a glass before drinking?
: 5) Does he spend a more than the usual amount of timing squeezing your bum than is considered normal for an ordinary mate?
: 6) Does he have a poofter name like Julian, Gervaise, Binky or Doris? (The parents always know!)
: 7) Does he swallow rather than spit like a true bloke?
: 8) Does he use his tongue when he first kisses you?
: 9) Does he admit to looking pretty in pink?
: 10) Are the corks around his hat from some bloody foreign plonk with a queer name?
: 11) Does he stand very close to you and indulge in light social chit chat when you are pointing Percy at the porcelain?
: 12) Has he ever asked for assistance in training Terrence at the terracotta because his nail polish was still wet?
: 13) When faced with the question "Are you a flaming poofter, you bastard?" does he answer in the affirmative? (For all you Ockers, that means does he say "yes".)
: 14) Have you caught him at the back passage when there was still a sheilah available (this includes ugly sheilahs and abo sheilahs)?
: 15) When you imply that your mouth is as dry as an extremely dry place when there has been no rain for years and you are in desperate need of a cold one, does he offer you a port and lemon?
: A final piece of advice: If he looks like a flaming poofter, he probably is one.
: Do you know of any further tests/observations?