Re: Back at'cha, Josh ol' buddy ol' pal! *NT*

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: : : : :Chicks, please say that this is NOT what every chick wants. : : : : No, of course not! : : : : : 1. HE HAS TO BE 6’FT TO 6’4’’ : : : : Nope. I'm only 5'4", so that'd be way too damned tall. Actually, I kinda like guys who aren't that much taller than me. I DO require taller than me, but at 5'4", that ain't hard to manage. : : : : : 2. MUSCULAR WITH NICE PECKS, ABLE TO PICK ME UP EASILY, VERY NICELY BUILT : : : : Again, nope. I do like a man with good strong arms, but I'm not overwhelmingly fond of being picked up. Actually, I tend to beat men who try it about the head and shoulders, and not in a feeble, womanish kind of way. : : : : : 3. NOTHING OUT OF PROPORTION : : : : Oook. And she expects to find this... how? A life-sized Ken doll? : : : : : 4. NICE PENUS, ABOUT 7 INCHES : : : : Scratch the Ken Doll theory. Personally, I don't give a shit about that. : : : : : 5. RITCH, RITCH ENOUGH TO SUPPORT US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND THEN SOME : : : : Well, I won't lie - that certainly wouldn't suck. It's not a requirement, though. : : : : : 6. WORKS HERE. : : : : Didn't she ever learn that mixing love and work is almost never good? : : : : : 7. SAME GOALS AND PURPOSES. : : : : Well, won't that be a fascinating relationship? I bet she wants them to be able to finish each other's sentences, too. BO-RING. : : : : : 8. GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY : : : : Always nice. My family has pretty good judgement on this sort of thing. They fucking HATED my ex, but they were right about him. ;-) : : : : : 9. BE ABLE TO SUPPORT MY PARENTS WHEN THEY GET OLD, BUT THEY DON’T LIVE WITH US, NEARBY WOULD BE NICE THOUGH. : : : : One would imagine that should be a joint effort, eh? Or is she just planning on spending the rest of her life barefoot and pregnant? : : : : : 10. WANTS AND LOVES KIDS. : : : : I haven't even made my OWN decisions on this yet, I'm hardly going to say I REQUIRE it of an imaginary possible mate. : : : : : 11. IS OK WITH ADOPTING THE SAME RATIO OF KIDS THAT WE HAVE. : : : : Nooooooo. What is this, the Brady Bunch? : : : : : 12. NOT RACIST : : : : THAT, I require. Yay! She got one right! : : : : : 13. UPTONE, DOESN’T PUT UP WITH MY SHIT, DOESN’T GIVE ME ANY : : : : What the fuck is uptone? Relationships require that you dish shit out to each other. What makes them last isn't that shit doesn't get thrown - how is that even possible, unless you've got him so pussywhipped it's just sad? - but that after shit has been thrown, you can forgive each other. : : : : : 14. SAME COMM LAG AS ME : : : : I don't even know what that means. : : : : : 15. VERY IN COMM : : : : Or that. : : : : : 16. LOVES ANIMALS : : : : Always good, but I don't much care. I'm allergic. ;-) : : : : : 17. WILL TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER, A MOVIE AND WHAT EVER ELSE, AND HE PAYS : : : : Again, it'd be nice. At least occasionally. But he'd have to be able to deal with it if I want to pay, too. : : : : : 18. I WANT TO FIND THIS GUY WHEN I GET BACK FROM LA WITH IN 3 MONTHS, THE SOONER THE BETTER : : : : *snarf* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Good luck! : : : : : 19. GETS ALONG REALLY WELL WITH MY FRIENDS ESPECIALLY CHRIS, JULIE, MATINA, COLIN, WELL THE LIST GOES ON, THE POINT IS HE IS REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH THEM. : : : : A good thing, to be sure. But you also want some friends that are just yours. Having been in a relationship chock full of mutual friends, things got REALLY uncomfy when we broke up. : : : : : 20. HE HAS TO HAVE A REALLY NICE FAMILY WHO ARE , NO FAMILY MEMBER IS ANTAGONISTIC : : : : What planet is she from? All families have antagonistic members. If they don't, they're fucking Stepford people. : : : : : 21. GOOD HYGENE NOT SMELLY, ANYWHERE. : : : : OK, she's got me there. I have to agree. Though exceptions are made for certain situations. :-) : : : : : 22. GOOD ABILITY TO ADAPT TO ME. : : : : Well, yeah, I guess. But that goes both ways. : : : : : 23. STAYS IN EXCHANGE WITH ME, I STAY IN GOOD EXCHANGE WITH HIM : : : : And this means what, exactly? : : : : : 24. NOT MEAN OR PUSHY : : : : OK, I'll agree with that. : : : : : 25. VERY FUNNY, CAN ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH, BUT KNOWS WHEN IT ISN’T APPROPRIATE : : : : So far, this is the best she's got. This is the only one I can say yes, I absolutely require that in a relationship. : : : : : 26. SMART, IQ OF AROUND 130 : : : : HA HA HA HA HA!!! I'd find this less amusing if she didn't have the spelling of a demented 5th grader. : : : : I'd like a smart guy, but I've never gone around asking anyone what their IQ rating is. I don't even know what MINE is. : : : : : 27. WE GET MARRIED IN 6 MONTHS : : : : Let me reiterate: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! : : : : : 28. I WANT A BIG DIAMOND ON OUR ENGAGEMENT RING : : : : Blecch. Who cares? : : : : : 29. I WANT A HUGE, BEAUTIFUL WEDDING : : : : In 6 months? Man, I want some of the drugs this chick is on. : : : : : 30. HE KEEPS ME HAPPY : : : : No, that's not too vague. : : : : No one's happy all the time, you silly little person. : : : : : 31. NO MAGOR FIGHTS : : : : What, so no magic? Or is this some other weird fantasy reference? : : : : If there's no major fights in your relationship, ever, you don't have a relationship. You have people who have no emotional attachment. Anyone who truly cares about you is going to get good and pissed off every once in a while. : : : : : 32. LOVES TO HOLD ME : : : : OK, with her here. : : : : : 33. BLACK, BUT NOT TOO DARK, SOME LIGHT RACE MIX… YUMMM!!!!! : : : : Don't care. : : : : : 34. ISN’T VIOLENT : : : : YES!! OK, that's two she's got wholehearted agreement on. : : : : : 35. HAS A DAMN NICE CAR, LIKE A PORCHE BOXTER OR A DODGE DERANGO : : : : Oh, good Christ. A guy with a license would be a step up from my last boyfriend. A car that works would be a HUGE improvement. : : : : : 36. BUYS ME A DAMN NICE CAR : : : : I'll buy my own damned car, thank you very much. : : : : : 37. THROUGHS ME A SURPRISE PARTY ON MY BIRTHDAY : : : : I hate surprises. : : : : : 38. LOVES ME MORE THAN I CAN PUT INTO THIS IDEAL SCENE : : : : Whatever that means. : : : : : 39. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I CAN PUT INTO THIS IDEAL SCENE : : : : And again. : : : : : 40. WE LOOK GREAT TOGETHER : : : : Don't care. If I'm happy, I don't much care whether we look mismatched. I'm more frightened by people who start to look alike after being together for a while. Creeeeeppppyyy. : : : : : 41. WON’T CARE IF I GAIN A FEW POUNDS : : : : Woo-hoo!! 3 that I totally agree with! That's 3 out of 41! : : : : : 42. ALWAYS SUPPORTS ME, IN WHATEVER I CHOSE, BUT STATES HIS OPINION CLEARLY : : : : OK, I'll agree with that. : : : : : 43. WE ARE 100% HAPPY TOGETHER : : : : Dream on, dream until your dreams come true.... : : : : : 44. GOOD TEETH, CLEAN, STRAIGHT, WHITE, NOT STAINED : : : : Having all of them'd be great. And I do require toothbrushing on a daily basis. But I don't much care if they're stained. Mine aren't perfect either. : : : : : 45. BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18 AND 24 YEARS OLD : : : : Not even close, but then, she's 23, and I'm 27. : : : : : 46. COMPLETELT READY FOR COMMITMENT : : : : It'd be nice. But I don't even know if I am, at this point. I used to be, but now... well, it's not something I'd say I REQUIRE. : : : : : 47. DRESSES NICE, SHOPS AT PLACES LIKE: J CREW, THE GAP, ETC, VERY NICE STYLE : : : : Oh, who cares. I'm happy in jeans and a t-shirt that says "Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies," with an ancient, pin-covered denim jacket or a comfy hoody. How can I ask more of my significant other? As long as he WEARS clothes, they're not utterly hideous, and they're clean, that's all I ask. : : : : : 48. WE MOVE INTO MY HOUSE AFTER ABOUT A MONTH OF DATING, LIVE THERE FOR SIX MONTHS TO A FEW YEARS, THEN GET A PLACE OF OUR OWN : : : : It's nice how she's got everything all planned out, isn't it? : : : : HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! : : : : : 49. PASSIONATE, LIKE ME BUT DOESN’T GET CARRIED AWAY, LOVES THAT I AM SO PASSIONATE : : : : Whatever. : : : : : 50. SOCIAL, FRIENDLY : : : : I'm not, always. I don't expect anyone else to be. On special occasions'd be nice. : : : : : 51. LIKES ME, AND ONLY ME… : : : : 4!! 4 that I agree with completely!!! Sorry, I've been cheated on before. : : : : : I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!! : : : : Neither can I!!!!!!! : : : : (For her to find out what the real world is like!) : This is one of the funniest god damn things I've ever seen. Can't believe someone really thinks this is obtainable. : Smosh

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