Posted by halo8 at ip68-101-31-238.nc.hr.cox.net on June 11, 2003 at 14:01:46:
Just the other day, I noticed there was a lot less sheep in the cedar tree
behind my trailer. I went outside to see what was wrong, when, wouldn't you
know it, my over-weight cross-dressing-hemophiliac prostitute neighbor fell
of his porch onto a box full of nails and broken bottles. I told him 6 1/2
times that it was silly to keep that box there, but nooo. so I rushed him
down to red cross and sold his blood until he was out. then I pumped him
full of Dr. Pepper, and wow! right back to life. I knew it would work.
saw it on McGuiver. so we left the red cross and sped down the pear
coloured road in my 2006 Ford Durango SS with the optional 23-speed manual
tranny and the 6-speed egg-beater protruding from the rear bumper.
Suddenly, I realized I was at home, and none of the above had occurred yet.
so I ran out side and said, "hey Randy! you are about to fall into your box
of nails and broken glass!" but then I remembered I really didn't like him.
so I threw the box at him and froze his house with my mental ice-powers.
later that day, I was eating my daily serving of antelope wax and duck cum
when I heard a loud scream and Jell-O being thrown. It was the old folks
home again! the geriatrics had over run the place! nurses were hanging
from the trees by I.V.s! the streets were filling with people with cane and
walker injuries! I picked up my fully automatic Remington bolt action
ahead-lice-powered titanium reinforced turkey-injecting marinade laser and begin
basting old folks. that's when I remembered the lack of sheep in my cedar
tree and ran to Denny's and had a waffle with lima bean syrup and a glass of
fish eyes Pepsi. I stopped at one of those all-night tackle/lingerie shops
on my way home and picked up a pair of fly-fishing nighties for the little
lady. She's really little. I had to buy the one that they had on a display
Barbie. I got home some time between 12:34 and January. I wondered if the
tree was all better so I checked it out and found that not only was the tree
producing, but it was also writing pop songs for Britney Spears. boy were
we rich! I anointed the tree with Crisco and fish entrails, then beat a
live hamster unconscious with a soft-serve ice cream. that took a while.
then I thawed our the neighbor and sold him as spare parts to Trump.
Unknowingly, I picked up my shoes.