Posted by DamYankee at 152.135.148.124 on November 10, 2003 at 13:27:19:
In his own words from his website. I know I won't be seeing it:
I made the mistake of going to see the new Matrix movie this weekend.
To quote Frank Cross in Scrooged "Wow, did that suck!"
I'm not kidding here folks. We're talking hardcore sucking the likes of which we have not seen since Highlander Endgame, Battlefield Earth, or Star Trek V. This was one of the worst pieces of garbage ever to defile the big screen with its mere existence.
A good friend saw it first and tried to warn me. I teased him suggesting that maybe he just didn't 'get it'. So let me just say it here, publicly; John you were right, I'm really sorry man.
I don't want to put a bunch of spoilers here for any of you who are still holding out hope but here's a short-list of things that would have made the movie better.
1. A cameo by the Marvel Comics character "Ego: The Living Planet."
Oh wait; we had that, didn't we? "SPEAK."
2. Neo wakes up in his family's farmhouse and tells everyone about a strange dream he just had. "And you were there, and you were there. . ."
3. Agent Smith and Neo doing a song and dance number, in top hats, with canes.
4. Yet another character saying, "Because I believe" meaningfully into the camera, one . . . more . . time.
5. At least one actual philosophical insight woven into the dialog.
"Everything that has a beginning has an ending."
. . . Yeah, great, very deep, that really helps, that explains everything, thanks!
And finally, number 6, the last thing that could have saved this movie would have been if, at the end Rodney Dangerfield had run into the frame and yelled "Hey everyone, we're all gonna get laid!" Cue Journey - playing "Anyway you want it", fade to black, roll credits.