Posted by markb111 at alb-24-92-57-241.nycap.rr.com on December 08, 2003 at 10:46:03:
In Reply to: The fun Snoop Dog site... posted by markb111 on December 08, 2003 at 10:29:10:
News Askew a la Snoop
Scooped By: Ming
Don't let da title fool ya: This is a 2004 wall calendar FULL of View Askew facts 'n
photos, 'n PERFECT fo' yo' crib or office n' shit. They make da ideal gift fo' that View
Askew fan in yo' family, 'n are being touted as one of, if not THA, coolest item we've ever sold through da Stash, know what I'm sayin'? Yes, this is a MUST-HAVE item 'n one that Kevin himself has recently be like is a personal favorite n' shit.
At a low $18.00, yo' ass can afford buy one fo' yourself AND give one as a gift n' shit.
Place yo' orders now at da Stash 'n get 'em fo' Xmas!
Posted 12:33 PM EST [11 Comments]
View Askew NewsBites™
Scooped By: Pat Aulisio, Brett Jamen
JoBLo are listing they "Top 10 Unexpected Gratuitous Nudity" scenes in movies 'n lo 'n
behold, Mallrats 'n Joey Lauren Adams earned Mallrats #8:
#8 Joey Lauren Adams: Mallrats
(Kevin Smith) - 1995
I remember watching this fo' da first time 'n marveling at Claire Forlani, know what
I'm sayin'? The way brizzle smiled, da way brizzle spoke, da way brizzle fit into those
jeans, 'n then, know what I'm sayin'? ....BAM! Silent Bob puts tha dude's heezee through
a wall 'n gets a peek at da unrelenting perkiness of Ms, know what I'm sayin'? Adams'
privates." Not only did this scene steal Forlani's thunder, that shiznit landed her in
bed wit da director 'n da lead role in tha dude's next flick (Chasing Amy), know what I'm
sayin'? Now that's what I call a paper shot n' shit.
Kevin has previously stated that tha dude disliked shooting this, 'n doesn't intend include
nudity in any of tha dude's future films, know what I'm sayin'?
On last week's episode of da popular "Queer Eye fo' da Straight Guy", Bluntman &
Chronic figures wuz seen 'n referenced briefly in da straight fool's apartment, know
what I'm sayin'? Feel free send us a screencap if anyone's gots one." Have a gravy weekend,
time go dig out from da first of wass sho be many snowstorms fo' us here in da northeast,
know what I'm sayin'? Stupid winter!
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
Scooped By: Alonso Duralde
This article is from back in November, 'n we somehow missed that shiznit, but that
shiznit's a bomb diggity one that appeared in da "New York Observer" 'n we wanted run
that shiznit in its entirety fo' yo' reading pleasure." It's a wonderful piece." Enjoy:
Kevin Smith: ‘I’m a Sellout!’
by Jake Brooks
On Nov." 14, bearded 'n bespectacled director Kevin Smith sauntered onto da Tonight Show
stage greet Jay Leno, know what I'm sayin'? Dressed in tha dude's customary uniform of an
oversized, button-down athletic jersey, baggy shorts 'n calf-high gray socks, Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith had come introduce da 14th installment of "Roadside Attractions," a recurring filmed segment where Smith travels da country highlighting cheesy road-trip destinations, know what I'm sayin'?
"Settle a bet fo' me n' shit. I’ve seen da Paris Hilton tape." Is that yo' ass?
" Mr." Smith asked da talk-show host n' shit. "Because I remember that weekend yo' ass
borrowed my video camera n' shit. "
Mr n' shit. Leno looked down 'n straightened tha dude's immaculate tie à la
Johnny Carson." "I wish," tha dude replied." "Did yo' ass see da tape?"
"I watched that shiznit actively," Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith be like, know
what I'm sayin'?
"I’m sorry I shook hands wit yo' ass," Mr n' shit. Leno countered n' shit.
It’s da kind of tepid repartee yo' ass might expect from one of da cast members of
According Jim, but not from da writer 'n director of Clerks, Chasing Amy 'n Dogma n' shit.
Mr." Smith’s movies used puerile bluntness crack open those tough nuts of social
discourse—sexual politics, relationships, religion 'n slacker life—that had
been izzall but sealed shut wit an epoxy of political correctness, know
what I'm sayin'? His characters didn’t make veiled allusions masturbation or oral sex,
they gots down da nitty-gritty n' shit. When Clerks’ Dante Hicks wanted know tha dude's
brizzle’s sexual history, tha dude asked her: "How many dicks has yo' ass sucked?"
Mr n' shit. Smith had a similarly blunt explanation fo' da change n' shit.
"I’ve been saying I sold out fo' years," tha dude told The Observer by phone from tha
dude's newly renovated four-story crib in da Hollywood Hills, know what I'm sayin'? "When
Miramax bought da first movie, that wuz a sellout." And yo' ass know, we followed up wit
Mallrats." We sell so much damn merchandise on izzle Web site that that shiznit’s kind
of become a joke that I like make paper n' shit. So, that shiznit’s like, ‘Well,
obviously that’s what Kevin’s doing n' shit. ’"
In da 10-year stretch between da debut of Jay 'n Silent Bob—da stoner characters that
actor Jason Mewes 'n Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith originated in Clerks 'n has since
reprised in five other movies—'n da scheduled release, next spring, of Jersey Girl,
Mr." Smith has fashioned himself as a kind of postmodern sellout, a filmmaker who,
in tha dude's own words, is relentlessly "pimping" tha dude's work 'n tha dude's name
without da residual backlash that would has plagued, be like, John Cassavetes if tha
dude had done da same, know what I'm sayin'? In addition tha dude's Tonight Show
travelogues, 'n occasional guest-stints as a writer fo' Marvel Comics, da once-cul
t Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith can now be seen in an ad campaign fo' Panasonic’s
Porno Disc recorder that gets mo' Televizzle play than Mr, know what I'm sayin'?
Smith’s movies n' shit. Tha dude also operates a Web site (13 million hits since 1996)
named after tha dude's production company, View Askew, on which tha dude writes an
almost-daily journal of tha dude's travails 'n peddles izzall sorts of movie-related
tchotchkes, including Mallrats "Inaction Figures," Jay 'n Silent Bob bookends, 'n An
Evening wit Kevin Smith, a Porno Disc on which tha dude waxes scatological fo' over
two hours tha dude's target demographic: undersexed, onanistic college students, know
what I'm sayin'?
But something else has happened Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith in that time span that
could also account fo' tha dude's recent spurt of mainstream activity, know what I'm sayin'?
Five years ago, tha dude met reporter Jennifer Schwalbach n' shit. Four years ago they
wuz married 'n produced a baby daughter." Three years ago, Mr n' shit. Smith reached tha
dude's 30’s. In other words, Mr n' shit. Smith didn’t just sell out, tha dude grew up."
And so, fo' better or worse, did da cast of characters that populated tha dude's movies n'
shit. Ben Affleck would seem fall in da former category n' shit. Mr, know what I'm sayin'?
Mewes, who descended into well-chronicled drug addiction, into da latter, know what I'm
sayin'? But after spending half a year in rehab, Mr." Mewes has come live wit Mr n' shit.
Smith 'n tha dude's family as well as Ms, know what I'm sayin'? Schwalbach’s family in
Mr n' shit. Affleck’s old bachelor pad in da Hollywood Hills n' shit. It sounds like a
Gen-X version of The Addams Family, though Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith assured The
Observer that "izzall of da ghosts of Affleck has been completely fucking exorcised, know
what I'm sayin'? All da fluids that tha dude might has left behind has been completely
wiped out by da flood" that resulted when a H-2-Izzo pipe burst in da house."
And if da subject matter of Mr." Smith’s next movie is any indication, tha dude has
exorcised some of da mo' adolescents tendencies of tha dude's earlier work—Jay 'n
Silent Bob has been retired—'n replaced 'em wit da new perspectives tha dude may has
gained as a husband, a father 'n an in-law, know what I'm sayin'? Jersey Girl, staring
r." Affleck 'n Jennifer Lopez, is a romantic comedy in which a father learns cope wit
tha dude's wife 'n 7-year-old daughter." Its cinematographer is da hella grown-up Vilmos
Zsigmond, whose credits include The Deer Hunter 'n The Long Goodbye n' shit. The movie’s
promotional tagline: "Forget 'bout who yo' ass thought yo' ass wuz, 'n just accept
who yo' ass are, know what I'm sayin'? "
It is also a film which, if yo' ass’ve been reading da gossip columns, may or may not
be a mess n' shit. After intially being slated fo' release this fall,Miramax has now
tentatively scheduled that shiznit fo' a spring 2004 release, Mr n' shit. Smith be like
this had nothing do wit da lingering stink of Mr n' shit. Affleck 'n Ms n' shit. Lopez’s
first film, Gigli, rather tha dude attributed da movie’s rescheduling Miramax’s decision that Jersey Girl not go up against "da beast" that is The Matrix Revolutions."
Mr." Smith admitted that some of da film’s scenes make tha dude's ass cry 'n be lik
e: "I imagine some muthas are going be like, ‘Wow, Smith grows up 'n makes a grown-up movie,
know what I'm sayin'? ’"
Even in tha dude's moments of self-doubt (another sign of aging, by da way), Mr, know what
I'm sayin'? Smith remains confident in tha dude's pimping skills, know what I'm sayin'? "I
gots into this kind of discussion da other day wit John Gordon, who’s a cuz of mine, who’s
izzle executive at Miramax," be like Mr." Smith, know what I'm sayin'? "Periodically, yo'
ass get into these zones where yo' ass’re just like, ‘I’m no damn gravy, know what I'm sayin
'? What am I doing? I’m a fucking fraud." ’ And shit like that n' shit. My argument tha dude
's ass wuz that I am not a bomb diggity director, I’m just a really gravy self-promoter n'
shit. "
In that context, da Tonight Show travel films 'n da Panasonic ads would seem like smart
attempts prime da pump fo' Jersey Girl by exposing Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith a much
mo' mainstream audience n' shit. As tha dude himself be like, "Yo' ass can’t argue wit an
audience of six million muthas every night n' shit. " But da filmmaker also admitted that
tha dude's fan base, which is comprised largely of comic-book-convention dwellers,
goatish college students 'n stoners, resisted Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith’s decision
go wit da most mainstream—'n some would argue milquetoast—of da late-night shows." "I took
a lot of shit in da beginning," Mr n' shit. Smith be like." "Why Leno, mutha? Why not
Letterman, fucking Conan?’"
Mr." Smith’s answer: "Yo' ass know what? Conan 'n Letterman didn’t ax n' shit. " Mr n'
shit. Smith be like tha dude’s never actually been on Late Show wit David Letterman 'n
has been on Conan O’Brien’s couch only a handful of times, know what I'm sayin'? His
fans, tha dude added, has "a bizarre perception that I has da ability go, ‘Well,
I’m taking these things over da fucking Letterman show." ’ And yo' ass try explain 'em,
a) that shiznit wasn’t my idea n' shit. It wuz they idea n' shit. And b) why would I go
some place else? I mean, these dudes gave me my shot, so speak." "
The Tonight Show gig arose following Mr." Smith’s appearance on Mr n' shit. Leno’s show
promote Jay 'n Silent Bob Strike Back n' shit. The producers concluded that Mr." Smith
had bomb diggity chemistry wit da chin-wagging host, 'n decided create a recurring role
fo' tha dude's ass on da show." "Roadside Attractions" wuz hatched by executive producer
Debbie Vickers 'n Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith in response da public’s fear of flying
following Sept." 11. Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith described that shiznit as a
"tongue-in-cheek piece 'bout what yo' ass see on da road because yo' ass’re not going
fly because yo' ass’re terrified of being capped by a terrorist, know what I'm sayin'?
" There has been 14 installments thus far, as well as a short film—da first ever
produced fo' da Tonight Show—called The Flying Car that reunited Dante 'n Randal from
Clerks, know what I'm sayin'? More segments are slated fo' future episodes, know what
I'm sayin'?
According Mr n' shit. Smith, "Roadside Attractions" has reached an audience that ignored
tha dude's movies." "I remember after I did da first ‘Roadside Attraction,’ I took da
kid Disneyland a week later." And there wuz some 50-year-old black fool who stopped me 'n be like, ‘Hey mutha, I seen yo' ass on Jay Leno n' shit. Yo' ass wuz funny n' shit. ’ I wuz like, Wow, so not my audience, know what I'm sayin'? " And another time, "There wuz a dude I walked past 'n tha dude wuz wit tha dude's teenage son n' shit. And da dude goes, ‘Do yo' ass know who that wuz? That’s da dude from da Leno show n' shit. ’"
Panasonic also noticed da dude from da Leno show, 'n Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith
landed da job of "domestic spokesman" fo' Panasonic’s Porno Disc recorder, know what I'm sayin'? Ironically, that shiznit wasn’t da first time Mr n' shit. Smith had worked fo' Panasonic, know what I'm sayin'? Previously, tha dude had directed a commercial fo' da Secaucus, N.J.–based company’s E-wear camera that featured an obnoxious "little person" who kept shrieking "Eeeeeee" at muthas, know what I'm sayin'? The spots wuz pulled when a class-action suit wuz filed against Panasonic fo' its negative depiction of "little muthas, know what I'm sayin'? "
Mr n' shit. Smith be like tha dude loved da idea of starring in a Televizzle commercial,
know what I'm sayin'? "I fucking grew up watching Televizzle 'n commercials n' shit.
I would love be da fool at da forefront n' shit. Y’know, like Crazy Eddie?" Mr n' shit.
Smith wuz referring Jerry Carroll, da manic, bug-eyed actor in da now-defunct electronics chain’s ads." "I wuz raised on seeing Crazy Eddie commercials, know what I'm sayin'? "
In da commercial, Mr n' shit. Smith is a "cultural historian" who travels back in time
mark izzall of da significant advances in human technology n' shit. The commercial’s sight gag—which is hella much like tha dude's E-wear commercial—is a prehistoric mutha that shrieks 'n attacks Smith in varying time periods, allowing da filmmaker flash that trademark Silent Bob, eyebrow-raised ‘What can yo' ass do?’ look n' shit.
Having brought tha dude's movie schtick commercials, Mr." Smith be like, "I waited
fo' da fucking cry of sellout n' shit. " It never came, but being a fool who likes
" make fun of myself before somebody else does," Mr n' shit. Smith admitted
: "I’m a media whore some degree." "
Mr." Smith may has happily sold out in terms of doing commercials 'n da Tonight Show,
but tha dude has different ideas when that shiznit comes making films n' shit. "I think
after Mallrats is when I figured out that there’s no way pick a trajectory fo' yo' career
unless yo' ass’re really concentrating on being a commercial filmmaker," tha dude told
The Observer." "And I don’t really has that in me n' shit. I just want tell da stories
I want tell, know what I'm sayin'? And even though we’ve never made a movie that made
mo' than 30 million bucks, I’m 10 years in this business, know what I'm sayin'?
"Obviously, we gots be doing something right n' shit. Our stuff connects on some
level," tha dude continued." "So, that shiznit’s like why bother trying be da fool
that [says], ‘Alright, I gotta make a 100 million dollar movie, a 100 million dollar
grosser, 'n then another 'n then another." ’
"I just has stick what I like doing n' shit. Because at da end of da day, yo' ass can’t
really guess da box office of this shit n' shit. I remember Mallrats," a movie that
co-starred Marvel Comics founder Stan Lee 'n wuz a critical 'n box-office flop
." "Universal thought that shiznit wuz going be huge 'n that shiznit made two million
bucks n' shit. And Dogma, everyone thought that shiznit wuz just going die 'n that
shiznit made 30 million bucks, know what I'm sayin'? Y’know, there’s just no way figure
shit out n' shit. It’s da Polonius thing, ‘To thine own self be true,’ 'n just kind of
do da shit that yo' ass want do 'n hopefully muthas will follow." "
The $64,000 question is whether da fans who seen Jay 'n Silent Bob Strike Back in
2001 'n who continue buy Inaction Figures from da View Askew Web site will follow
Mr." Smith 'n file into theaters alongside Tonight Show viewers when Jersey Girl
opens, know what I'm sayin'?
But like da tagline of da movie says: "Forget 'bout who yo' ass thought yo' ass wuz,
'n just accept who yo' ass are, know what I'm sayin'? "
If there is a symbol that there is no turning back fo' Mr." Smith, that shiznit would
has be tha dude's cuz Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes, who after pleading guilty
probation-violation charges in late March, 'n finishing tha dude's time in rehab,
has abstained fo' eight months now from da alcohol 'n doobies that tha dude's character
, Jay, ingested wit abandon, know what I'm sayin'?
"I wuz always like, ‘Don’t yo' ass want get fucking clean?’" Mr n' shit. Smith remembered
'bout earlier struggles wit Mr n' shit. Mewes’ drug addiction." "Because we’ve gone
through rehab five or six times, know what I'm sayin'? And when I be like ‘we,’ that
shiznit’s fucking tha dude's ass, but yo' ass go through that shiznit, too n' shit. "
When Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes hit rock bottom following da release of Jay 'n
Silent Bob Strike Back, Mr n' shit. Smith be like tha dude adopted a "tough love" strategy
coax tha dude's ass into rehab n' shit. "I seen tha dude's ass throughout da course of
last year n' shit. Yo' ass can talk tha dude's ass, but yo' ass are not supposed become
close wit tha dude's ass or stay close wit tha dude's ass, or let tha dude's ass around yo' family until tha dude gets clean," Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith be like, know what I'm sayin'? That meant when Mr." Mewes came visit Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith—wit whom tha dude had lived on 'n off since 1994—da filmmaker would talk da actor in tha dude's yard instead of inviting tha dude's ass into da house."
According Mr." Smith, though, Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes is a changed mutha, know
what I'm sayin'? "I hate be like that shiznit, but fo' lack of a better description, tha
dude seems has grown up a bit," tha dude be like."
"It’s weird because tha dude’s never been this fool, never been da dude, who cares 'bout
tha dude's image." But suddenly, I guess now that tha dude’s clearheaded 'n whatnot
'n looks gravy, tha dude’s kind of thinking 'bout that shiznit mo' n' shit. " To
illustrate tha dude's point, Mr." Smith explained that recently Mr n' shit. Mewes
had attended a party fo' Kid Rock 'n asked Mr n' shit. Smith go online 'n see if any
photos of tha dude's ass had made that shiznit onto da WireImage photo Web site n' shit.
When Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith couldn’t find anything wit Mr, know what I'm sayin'?
Mewes named attached, tha dude asked tha dude's buddy who tha dude’d accompanied da
party n' shit. It turned out be Kim Stewart, da daughter of rocker Rod Stewart n' shit.
"So, I wuz like, ‘All right, let’s look up Kim Stewart." And there’s seven pictures of
Kim Stewart, know what I'm sayin'? And there is a picture of tha dude's ass wit Kim Stewart
'n that shiznit says ‘Kim Stewart 'n guest, know what I'm sayin'? ’" Mr n' shit. Smith
recalled, know what I'm sayin'? "And [Jason] says, ‘Why am I da fucking guest, dude?!’
And I’m like, ‘’Cause nobody fucking recognizes yo' ass anymore, my mutha." Yo' ass look
too gravy, know what I'm sayin'? Yo' ass gotta go back da fucking drawn-out junkie look."
And muthas will go, "Oh, that shiznit’s fucking Mewes." "’"
By coincidence, Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes walked into da house while Mr, know what
I'm sayin'? Smith wuz discussing tha dude's housemate wit The Observer, know what I'm
sayin'?
"Oh! Tha dude just walked in," Mr." Smith added wit a little bit of theatrics, know what
I'm sayin'? "What is K-I-M? … Yo' ass gots a fucking tattoo fo' her?" Raspy laughter
could be heard in da background, da kind created by years of smoking." Mr, know what I'm
sayin'? Mewes had gone a Christmas party fo' da Osbournes da previous night wit Ms, know
what I'm sayin'? Stewart, 'n on da way da party, tha dude's date convinced tha dude's
ass tattoo her name on tha dude's back, know what I'm sayin'? "When did yo' ass do
that, dude?," Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Smith exclaimed, know what I'm sayin'? "Yo' ass
can’t even claim, ‘I wuz drunk n' shit. ’"
Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes gots on da phone n' shit. "Yesterday, we wuz driving
by da tattoo shop." And [Kim] be like, ‘Jay, get my name on yo' back." So I be like,
‘Why not?’ She paid fo' that shiznit n' shit. I didn’t. I wouldn’t pay fo' that
shiznit n' shit. I’m not that crazy n' shit. I’m crazy, but not that crazy, know what
I'm sayin'? " At da party, another of Mr n' shit. Mewes’ celebrity friends,
Jack Osbourne, seen da tattoo n' shit. "And Jack’s like, ‘Yo' ass’re so stupid,
Jason,’" Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes recalled n' shit. Mr, know what I'm sayin'?
Osbourne’s reasoning, according Mr, know what I'm sayin'? Mewes: "Tha dude’s like,
‘I’m one of her best friends n' shit. And I wouldn’t get her name tattooed on me." ’"
Mr." Mewes seemed in high spirits: "I’m feeling a lot better than I wuz, how I felt n' shit.
And I feel bomb diggity, know what I'm sayin'? It’s gravy." It’s fun." It’s funner now."
" And tha dude had some choice words fo' Mr." Smith, who left tha dude's ass out
of Jersey Girl: "I begged Kevin let me be in Jersey Girl, but tha dude wuz like,
‘Nawf, know what I'm sayin'? ’—I’m only joking," Mr n' shit. Mewes be like, know what
I'm sayin'? "I didn’t beg tha dude's ass n' shit. It wuz my fault, know what
I'm sayin'? I wuz izzall on da run n' shit. And I wuz real messed up 'n stuff." "
Mr." Smith took da phone off tha dude's buddy, know what I'm sayin'? "Yeah, tha dude’s
been fucking bugging me 'bout [that shiznit, saying:] ‘Fucking y’know this movie ain’t
going make any paper, ’cause I’m not in that shiznit n' shit. ’ I be like, ‘Dude, if
this movie don’t make any paper, believe me, yo' ass’re not da problem n' shit. ’"