Re: ok i know i'll get smacked for this one but.......

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: : could i get some input on what i have so far....... : : : : no title : : opening: Dave is sitting on his couch at home. Dave looks directly at the camera. : : Dave: oh, hey, how's it goin' ? i bet your wonderin' why i've asked you here tonight. : : heh, always wanted to say that, anyway, i'm gonna tell ya the story about how : : i met the perfect girl, or so i thought. : : : : Dave looks off camera to the left. : : Dave: ok cue the ringing phone! : : Dave goes back to staring blankly a the t.v. screen as if he never talked to the camera : : the phone rings... : : Dave reacts to the phone ringing. he reaches down next to him to pick up the : : phone, still staring at the t.v. close camera shot of his hand looking for the phone but it's : : not there. but the phone is still ringing. Dave looks down to where the phone should be. : : to himself: : : Dave: (mumbling) well, where the hell is it?" : : the phone is still ringing. he starts looking around the room. in the couch cushins. the : : phone is still ringing. Dave stands up and , close up of his head. his eyes looking around : : franticly, his ears moving, trying to find out where the ringing is coming from. the phone is : : still ringing. out of the corner of his eye, he spots the phone; or so he thinks. he dives into : : a corner of the room, and grabs the object. puts it to his ear and answers.: : : Dave: hello?! HELLO?! : : the phone is STILL ringing : : Dave pulls the phone from his ear. it's the remote control. Dave tosses it to the floor. the phone : : is still ringing. he's still lying on the floor. his eyes dart to the phone charger. as expected the : : phone is on the charger. his head slumps to the floor in an "of course" type of way. the phone : : is still ringing.Dave realizes this and quickly crawls , sliding down the stairs, and : : grabs the phone, finally. puts the phone to his ear and answers: : : Dave: (exhausted) yea? (panting) hello?..............................................oh, hey james, wasup? : : .......no, i was uh, lifffting...weights.......yes i do! i do not just sit around watching t.v.............really? : : cool, who's gonna be there?.............................allright, what time?.......who's place?.....no i don't : : know her........oh, Stan does.......then i guess i'll give him a call and find out. ok, later....... : : Dave hangs up the phone. : : roll opening credits............. : : : : setting: : : a big fucking party, late night. : : f/i: full frame on a front door. : : three figures enter into the frame. : : they are : : : Dave: a regular guy, likes to have fun, he's the guy everyone trusts, and talks to. : : Stan: the wild and crazy guy of the group, parties a lot, wants nothing more than to just have fun. : : Bill: the ladies man of the group, his ex-girlfriend had him on a : : tight leash, recently broke up, and is starting to get out again. : : -------------------------- : : Bill knocks on the door. from the outside you can hear the party inside, along with music. : : no answer. Bill knocks again. they wait for a sec. no answer. Stan looks at the other two. : : then looks back at the door. : : Stan: "step aside man, ya gotta do it like this, " : : then Stan starts pounding on the door. : : Stan: " OPEN THE HELL UP YOU DRUNK FUCKS!" : : the door opens and a guy starts to yell at the three, (the guys name is Sam) : : Sam:" WHO THE FUCK?!--oh, hey wats up? c'mon in" : : the three enter the apartment, we now see, what we heard outside. : : Dave:(to Sam) so, did James make it yet?" : : Sam: "yea, he was our first causulty(?) so we threw him in the corner" : : the camera then gives a shot of James in the corner, passed out, ass in the air : : Dave:" (laughing) so who's house is this anyway?" : : Sam:" ah, that would be Cara's, she's in the bathroom puking" : : Stan inturrupts.. : : Stan:" Christ, and it's only eleven thirty!" : : Stan smacks Sam and Dave in the backs of their heads, : : Stan: " o.k. ladies it's time to quit with the yappin' and make with the alcohol!" : : Stan pushes them aside and proceeds towards the fridge. : : Sam looks over at Bill and gives him a very shocked look, and says: : : Sam: "Bill, how the FUCK did you get out tonight?" : : Sam nudges Dave with his elbow-- and jokingly says : : Sam: " does veronica know he's out?" : : Bill: " ha ha very funny jackass, actually . ....we broke up." : : Sam: " 'bout time if ya ask me." : : Dave: "no shit it's been months since we've seen tha' silly bastard, then he (very sarcasticly) : : *gasp* calls me, and tells me the sordid story." : : Bill: "so here i am, and i'm here to have some fun!" : : then an amazing looking girl (cloey) approaches Bill-- : : Cloey(GIRL): " um, hi your Bill right? Angie told me that you and Veronica broke up....?" : : Bill: "actually, (clears throat) yes, yes we did." : : Cloey: "REally?!" : : then Cloey extends her arm, and Bill takes her arm and they walk off : : Sam: "DAMN! bastard just got here, and-- : : Dave: " i know man, i know........well i'm gonna get fuckin' ripped tonight! : : Stan's already had some to drink before we got here, i catch up : : with you later, cool?" : : Sam: " allright man, i'll be around, in fact i think it's 'bout time to bust out the beer bong!" : : Dave: " cool, let me take a couple shots, i gotta lot of catching up to do.." : : Sam walks to another room , Dave goes towards the wet bar for a couple of shots. : : all kinds of bottles of liquer are on the bar.. : : Dave: "hmm, where to start?.... : : Stan walks up with a beer in hand, and leans on the bar. : : Stan: "man, stop standin' all sorts a sober an' shit and pour us a couple shots, ya' ninny shit head!" : : Dave:"yea, yea i'm on it, how much have you already had to drink in the ten minute span : : we've been here?" : : Stan: looking at him blankly "what?" : : Dave: "nuthin' " : : Dave pours the shots. : : Dave: " ready?" : : Stan: "you know it baby, (raises shot in the air) TO GETTING FUCKING TRASHED!" : : Dave: "i'll drink to that." : : both cringe and down the shots and slam the glasses on the bar : : Stan: "YYYYEEEAAAAHH!" : : Dave looks down and shakes his head : : Dave: " oh, yea that's what i needed." : : Stan slaps him on the back, and walks off to do whatever. : : Dave pours another shot and downs it quickly, cringing afterwards : : as he's cringing, Jeff passes by him to get to the balcony.Jeff walks outside on the : : balcony. on the balcony there is a table with a few chairs around it, Jeff takes a : : chair. Jeff is clearly drunk. he looks over at Claire who is sitting across the table from : : him. : : Jeff: (in a slurred speech) "uh, HEY, what's your name? (goes to lean closer, but loses : : his balance and falls down, then pops back up and brushes himself off) : : Claire: "Claire, uh, are you o.k.?" : : Jeff: " (still slurred) yes, yes i am, by the way, i'm Jeff."(leans in a little closer) : : Claire: (a little uneasy) "uh, nice to meet you Jeff. " : : Jeff: "yes , yes it is...heh, um, i'm Jeff." : : Claire: (realizing he's drunk and not retarded)" i know, so is this your place?" : : Jeff: (dazing off ) : : Claire: " Jeff?" : : Jeff: (realizing she's talking to him) "huh? oh, hi, i'm Jeff, what's your name?" : : cut to: living room, Alyssa is sitting on the couch, in front of the couch people are : : talking, a few drunk girls are dancing around. Alyssa looks bored. sort of : : looking around the room. Dave enters and sits on the couch. she looks : : over at him. : : Alyssa: " oh, hi, y'know i think i know everyone here, but i don't think i've met you." : : Dave:"well, now, here's your chance. (smiles) i'm Dave. (extends his hand) : : Alyssa: "and i'm Alyssa."(accepts his hand and shakes it) : : Dave: "so, (half smile) do you come here often?"(full smile) : : Alyssa: " DAVE, could that be a pick up line?" : : Dave: (pulls back)no, of course not! (shakes his head) so, what's you sign?" : : she laughs : : Alyssa: " and i thought i was gonna get the usual barrage of pick up lines here." : : Dave: " which are?" : : Alyssa: " oh, i don't know how 'bout, is that a mirror in your pocket, 'cause i can see : : myself in your pants, and crap like that." : : Dave: " oh, no i go for the much more sensative ones like how 'bout a pizza and a fuck?" : : Alyssa: (playing along) " exuse me?" : : Dave: " what? you don't like pizza?" : : both laugh : : Stan staggers by, and spots Dave. : : Stan:" HEY, MAN, WHHOOO HOOOO!" : : Dave:(waves to him, laughing) " hey, buddy, you ok?) : : Stan:"FUCKING GRAND, WHOOO HEEEEEE!!" : : the camera follows Stan as he walks out the front door and exits. Stan staggers to the : : ledge, and looks down, then picks his head up, camera close on his head, Stan looks : : extremely dizzy, blinks a few times then, his cheeks puff up and , he pukes down the : : shaft of the stairs. : : Stan:" BLAAAHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHH" : : Stan pick his head back up. and hears a voice coming from down the stairs. : : Voice: " HEY , YOU ASSHOLE, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!!" : : Stan: (with a snickering smile)"heh, heh, oh, heh, uh oh! heh" : : then Stan hurries back inside, slamming the door behind him. walks a couple feet into the : : apartment then passes out on the floor.

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