Posted by TheClerkCalledFreeway at h24-79-46-43.cg.shawcable.net on June 17, 2002 at 17:03:38:
As you all know, movies kick ass. And as we all definately know, good movies kick a lot of ass. The summer season is usually when studios trot out their greatest films in order to scare up some serious dough so they can fund their Oscar movies for Oscar season (November/December). With the summer season just beginning now, I'm going to take a quick look at this summer's movies and how good they look...because this may just be THE BEST MOVIE SUMMER EVER.
The Good Films: Films that are almost definately going to be good, for one reason or another
Lilo & Stitch [June 21] animated; a new style of Disney animated film, with a more edgy character (Stitch) having more edgy adventures. Early screenings have had great reactions.
Minority Report [June 21] Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell; Steven Speilberg's latest cinematic opus has a futuristic police force that use telepaths to stop crime before the crimes occur. It's all good until a detective (Cruise) is fingered for MURDER!! Mayhem ensues.
Men in Black II [July 3] Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones; Remember how good MIB was? This'll be better, 'cause Big Willie's learned to act.
Road to Perdition [July 12] Tom Hanks, Paul Newman; We get EVIL Tom Hanks as an EVIL Mob Hitman working for EVIL Paul Newman... This is gonna be great!
Signs [August 2] Mel Gibson; It's the third M. Night Shyamalan movie! Whoo!
Blood Work [August 9] Clint Eastwood; Eastwood directing Eastwood in a murder mystery... Yes!
XXX [August 9] Vin Diesel; Bond on speed. Yes!
One Hour Photo [August 21] Robin Williams as a creepy photo clerk who obsesses over a family.
The In-Betweeners: Could be good, could be bad.
Mr. Deeds [June 28] Adam Sander; It's a remake of one of Frank Capra's greatest films...but it's also an Adam Sandler movie. Can he break out of his slump? Or will we be hit with another Little Nicky?
Hey Arnold! The Movie [June 28] animated; It's a cartoon movie. These are almost always hit or miss.
The Powerpuff Girls Movie [July 3] animated; Hit or miss, again.
The Crocodile Hunter Collision Course [July 12] Steve Irwin; TV into movie = hit or miss. If it's tongue-in-cheek enough, it just might be good.
Reign of Fire [July 12] various; This has guilty pleasure written all over it.
8-Legged Freaks [July 19] David Arquette; Come on, who DOESN'T want to see David Arquette crushed by giant spiders?
Stuart Little 2 [July 19] Geena Davis, a CGI mouse; Hit or miss.
K-19: The Widowmaker [July 19] Harrison Ford; War movies are hit or miss, but this DOES have Ford and Liam Neeson...
Austin Powers in Goldmember [July 26] Mike Myers; If the jokes are funny, this'll be good...but if they're not, it'll suck.
Full Frontal [August 2] Julia Roberts; It's a Steven Soderbergh flick, so it'll be somewhat good...but it all depends on how Julia Roberts is.
Spy Kids 2 [August 7] Hit or miss.
Blue Crush [August 16] Plus: Various women in various stages of undress. Minus: A story that could be good or horribly bad.
Simone [August 16] Al Pacino makes up a CGI actress to star in a film, unbenownst to everyone else.
The Bad Films: Films that are going to suck hard.
Juwanna Mann [June 21] A cross-dressing basketball romantic comedy. Yuck.
Like Mike [July 3] Little Bow-Bow; It's a basketball comedy starring a rapper. Yuck.
The Master of Disguise [August 2] Dana Carvey; Uh...no.
As you can see, 3 guaranteed shit-bombs, a bunch of great films, and a bunch that could go either way.