Posted by Jessica Rabbit at 207-232-126-75.ip.van.radiant.net on May 26, 2003 at 16:35:06:
In Reply to: Start Irritating Him Back posted by Jessica Rabbit on May 26, 2003 at 16:14:51:
50 ways to FREAK your roommate
1.Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats
meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding
your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the
wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2.Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head whilehe/she is
asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker atyour roommate every
morning.
3.Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as
you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep
looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4.Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for
your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say,
"Uh- oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again. "
5. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick
him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.
6.Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been
watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're
not sorry because this time, they deserved it.
7.Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you
wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses.
Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.
8.Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile
them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming,
but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
9.Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquireabout his/her
academic potential. Take lots of notes, and thengive your roommate a full report.
Insist that he/she do the same.
10."Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in
training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
11.Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate
you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one as home.
Unpack everything and go to sleep.
12.Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am
I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your
roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
13.Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it
and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
14.Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and
the napkin. Throw everything else away.
15. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start
to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you,"
storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the
pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
6.Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops
out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
17.Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats
eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
18.Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look
at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
19.Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and
tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several
hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.
20.Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours
of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of
him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
21.If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with
a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
22.Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how
they got there.
23.Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep
one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
24.Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room
and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day,
miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving
everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you
dying?"
25.Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back
into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
26.Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If
your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."
27.Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
28.Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the
building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that
he/she needs bowling shoes.
29.Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake
an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards
again.
30.While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your
roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
31.Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective
student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate
protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings.
Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots of bacon.
32.Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich.
Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is
my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
33.Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the
poor picture quality.
34.Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every
day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down
underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The
next day, start standing in front of the window again.
35.Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one
after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a
few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your
roommate, "He just didn't belong."
36.Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave,
and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick.
Continue this process for several weeks.
37.Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate
asks, explain
that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
38.Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
39.Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
40.Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your
roommate that you hit the bull's eye.
41.Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. It won't
happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the
process for a few weeks.
42.Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often.
Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him
"Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do
that anymore, Murray."
43.Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
44.Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows
how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the
room with concern.
45.Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and
scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and
then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
46.When your roommate comes in, pretend that
you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you
hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."
47.Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and
go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can
come out now."
48.Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it
off, say, "What the hell do you think you are? A king?"
49.Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing.
Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
50.Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on
the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch
them suffer."