Posted by Jessica Rabbit at 207-232-126-75.ip.van.radiant.net on May 26, 2003 at 16:14:51:
In Reply to: I'M KILLING MY ROOMATE! posted by sharon stones pimp on May 26, 2003 at 14:57:21:
: I've lived with him for five days now and i am going to kill him. Whenever i'm jacking off he knocks on the door and screams "Why do you always lock your door!?!?" and than i open it and he leaves it wide open when he leaves. Whenever i eat he repeatedly asks me if i want to go out to dinner, but im already fucking eating! He always changes the channel on the main tv when im watching something. GOD DAMNIT! So, when he comes home from work i am going to kill him. And thats that.
Here are some ideas (and some of these have happened to me - I've had some really strange flatmates);
1. Lock all the doors in the apartment then when he knocks, open them and say "Welcome to McDonalds drive through, can I take your order please?"
2. Change all the furniture around in the house - swap rooms.
3. Have huge arguements with yourself in his presense.
4. Attempt to start discussions with him about the pros of bondage porn. Ask him if he want's to go to Amersterdam with you for the Fetish Festival.
5. When his parents call for him, tell them he's either paying the hookers or at his boyfriends house and he will have to call them back.
6. Ring up his place of work and leave a message from a fake doctors office saying that the rash is higly contageous and that he should contact the office immediately for further treatment.
7. Develop a love for Air Supply, Barry Mannilow and Chicago - play your music loud and proud - AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND NIGHT!!
8. Change the telephone number, don't tell him.
9. Tell him you should get to know each other better and that you will cook dinner. Set a romantic place setting for the two of you, light candles and have your favourite Barry / Air Supply or Chicago tracks on in the background.
10. When cooking, annouce to him over and over what you are cooking. Say it in all types of weird accents. Ask him if he wants some, then when he accepts tell him he will have to go out and get some more of what you are cooking as he only has enough for himself.
11. Start to practice Voodoo in the living room!
12. Make sure all the doors and windows are closed at all times. Close the bathroom / laundry / living room / kitchen doors even when no one is in there. If he opens them, get up, walk over and close them again.
Flatmates are a pain in the ass. I'm not saying which ones have happened to me, but some of these have.
Good Luck.
~K