KUFOGO'S STASH BASH JOURNAL

8:45 AM
Arrive at "Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash" with fiance. There’s no one dressed in Borg outfits or home made super hero costumes as we had feared. Truth is there is a lot of people my age, my social status (young and gainfully employed) who are also movie and comic book fans. I am fairly excited! Jay Mewes (one half of the famous Jay and Silent Bob duo seen in all of KS's movies) arrives on site. There is a scattering of handclaps which builds to a respectable applause! He makes his way into the Stash. My fiance leaves me as the day arrives, gives me a kiss and tells me to have fun. I will.

9:00 AM
My group (about 60 people) are getting on the charter bus that will carry us on a tour around Red Bank to see the locations made famous in the KS Movies Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy, known as the Jersey Trilogy. First stop is the park where Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams shot that scene about lesbian sex in Chasing Amy. Our tour guide is Brian O’Halloran, the guy who plays "Dante" in Clerks. He’s a pretty funny guy! As we tour the park, he points out where Maury Povich and Geraldo keep their summer mansions. The rich area of Red Bank is located across the bay. I'm practically standing in a TV personality's back yard! Well, actually, about a thousands yards away from their back yard, but you get my drift.

Brian gives the group an animated synopsis of one of the new View Askew movies called "Vulgar". It's basically about a professional clown who dresses in drag and then gets anal raped. Then he becomes famous. Sounds like a family picture.

9:40
Our next stop is the Funeral Home where that scene in Clerks was filmed. You know, that scene where one of the lead characters knock over the casket at the funeral of a high school friend who died of a brain aneurysm in the YMCA pool? Yeah that scene. As the bus noisily rumbles by, we all notice that there is a real funeral going on! Several of us take pictures!

10:00 AM
Here we are at the now world famous Quick Stop convenience store where Clerks was filmed. This the actual working convenience store where Kevin Smith worked before he became a movie auteur. All 60 of us pack into the store and Brian tells us what it was like to film in such a cramped set. The QuickStop looks way bigger in the movie than it actually is. Beside it is RST Video, also a real store. This was a cool site! I asked Brian if we could get a shot of him behind the QuickStop counter and he gladly agreed. What a nice guy! I hope my pictures turn out!

10:00 - 11:00 AM
Did more touring, Brian is funny!

11:00 AM
Back to the Stash. As we wait outside, I get someone to take a picture with Jay Mewes and myself! These guys are really nice and they graciously and humbly take pictures and sign autographs. I also get a picture taken with Brian (Dante)!

11:05 AM
Finally get into the Stash! I get to meet Kevin Smith who is probably one of the most talented writer’s out there today. I commented on how nice and natural everybody was with the fans and he said that he was hoping that everybody would see them as regular Jersey guys who got really lucky and are milking it for all its worth. I got him to sign his autograph and then I chilled out in the Stash.

No picture taking is allowed in the Stash because the place is covered with memorabilia from the newly shot movie Dogma, which will come out in theaters in October. Dogma is the new movie starring Linda Fiorntino (Bethany), Ben Affleck (Bartelby), Matt Damon (Loki), Jay Mewes (as Jay), Kevin Smith (as Silent Bob) and Chris Rock, who plays Rufus, the unknown 13th desciple of Jesus Christ. There is a vast shroud of secrecy surrounding the Dogma movie, because it is a religious satire which will probably make some Catholics want to burn KS alive. I mean check this out, from what I know about the movie Chris Rock plays a character who was stoned to death because he was the only disciple to preach that Jesus was black, and Alanis Morriesette plays God! The God! Is that cool or what! We at the Stash Bash get a one and only sneak preview of the Dogma trailer and teaser! This movie is going to be the bomb! Here’s two reasons alone why you should go see Dogma as soon as it comes out:

ONE: Just the site of Ben Affleck, who plays an avenging angel, with his wings in full Roman garb will make the ladies hearts go a-flutter! I mean the guy looks damn cool, and he gives this evil smile that'll make you want to shit your pants!

TWO: Chris Rock delivers what has got the be the funniest line in a movie since "Pulp Fiction":

BETHANY (to RUFUS)
You actually know Jesus?!

RUFUS
Know him? Shit! Nigga owes me twelve bucks!