Marksman's FULL LENGTH Stash Summary

Went on 2 job interviews in Northern Virginia, then headed straight for New York. Visited some old friends and then crashed at Rich's house on Staten Island. Talked to Philthy Phil, who said he had a court date Friday afternoon, and he was broke, so he had to work his DJ job all night Friday, get paid, and THEN leave for Red Bank, so he wouldn't be arriving until Saturday at 1130. Just in time since our tour started at 1300.

0730: Got up and went to AstroPlace on Forest Ave. to see Joe the Barber for a haircut.

0815: Left the Island and headed straight for Red Bank.

0900: Arrived at the Courtyard Marriot, too early to check in. (First fan into town!) Talked to the staff and the managers about what the event was and how it would affect them.

0945: Headed down to Kinko's in Eatontown to make 100 copies of the newsletter. Ate lunch at the White Castle next door while the job was being processed. !@#$%* Kinko's charged me 50 bucks!

1100: Arrived at the ViewAskew Office to drop off some copies of the newsletter. Hung out for about a half hour: talked to Kevin and Kim, met Bryan Johnson and a few others, and got the nickel tour of the office. Kim signed my $50 Kinko's reciept and told me to take it to the Stash and exchange it for swag.

The office was a sight to see. Framed posters, signs, and memorabilia all over the walls just like the old one. They used a HUGE Chasing Amy poster to cover up a hallway door that they weren't using. Basically the office is shaped like half of a donut, with a reception desk in the front, and the Stash office in the back. There were Kim/Kevin/Mosier/Klein offices on the right side and a storage room on the left. Also in the front right corner there is an editing room where Mosier was doing Dogma edits, and a print room in the rear left corner where Vin works on prints. Hanging on the wall in Kevin's office are the director's chairs and those "clapper signs" (Forgot what they're really called) from each of the 4 flicks. The couches from the old office were there in different places. As usual, Macs were used on all of the desks.

1130: Left the office and dropped off a stack of newsletters at the Oyster Point and Molly Pitcher just in case people checked in there.

1200: Went to the Stash to drop off a stack of newsletters there and check out the new store. I couldn't find a legal parking space, so I found an illegal one and ran in. Talked to Walt, and looked around a little. During the dash back to the illegal parking spot (little did I know) I dropped my cell phone on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse.

1230: Checked in at the Marriott and was handed a message that said my cell phone was found. It was then that I realized I had lost it! A volunteer fireman had picked it up, thumbed through the directory on it and called my house, my sister, the Stash, and half my friends looking for the phone's owner. So I called the guy and set up a time to meet him and pick up the phone. I checked in, got cleaned up, changed and

1430: Went BACK to the Stash, where Walt and Bryan were changing shifts, picked out my stuff and cashed in on my receipt money. Went to the firehouse to get the cell phone back from the fireman.

1530: Hung out in the lobby with Jon and Em while people started showing up.

The party grew bigger and bigger as the night progressed. Some highlights were Chopper3 buying a stack of pizza's for the whole gang, Brad & Chris showing up, and Jon's trademark (NAGANOOCH!) which would be periodically heard throughout the hotel. The best stunt of the evening was earlier on, when Jon and Em (The first fans to get drunk) crashed a birthday party they were having in the back room for a 91 year old Norwegian man. They donned Viking hats and someone snapped a Polariod of them posing with the old man like he was their relative. The lady who ran the hotel catering thought it was so funny, that she brought out all the surplus trays of food and set them up on the bar for us.

0330: Finally passed out in the room, letting Brimley take the extra bunk since Philthy wasn't using it.


1215: Eight of us arrived at the Stash early, only to find out that we were delayed 2 hours. We found an Irish pub across the street where we had a few rounds (including a killer round of Long Beach Iced Tea, and the final round: The Mind Eraser!)

????: Walked into the Stash, too drunk to tell time or even walk straight. Took pics with John (Cohee Lundin) and got his autograph. He was in shock. Said he never had anyone ask for his autograph before, and he was only recognized on the street once, like a year ago. Talked to "Rick Fuckin Derris" , Bryan Johnson, Jennifer, and Jay, who you already know was inhaling slices of pizza with every breath he took.

????: Watched the trailers for Dogma and Vulgar. I was the guy who yelled "Bryan, you SICK FUCK!" at the end of the Vulgar trailer. The Dogma footage and trailer was just an AWESOME sight, which will DEFINETLY raise some eyebrows, and make all the "non-believers" out there come out to the theater in October to get ASKEWED. Great job guys, we all can't wait to see the final product. By this time, Philthy was so blown away by the whole scene that he had tears in his eyes.

????: Met up with the big guy himself, who signed our screenplay books with the message "I owe you a role in the next flick". Kevin said Philthy earned his role by being the first fan to ever cry in front of him.

????: Hopped on the bus for the "Tour De Farce", where we all had a blast matching wits with Brian (If you didn't think it was funny, then get a life!), and checking out the sites. I made sure my pose behind the counter included a "pack of cigarettes", and me and Philthy got a killer shot in front of RST with the Navy Seals box. The CLASSIC MOMENT here was when Jay came to, and responded to my question about Olaf. He mumbled off this whole story and we all understood about 3 words of it. The rest sounded like the God-Pigeon from Goodfeathers.

????: Returned to the Marriott, where we hung out with our carpool mates in the pool room, switching repeatedly from the hot tub to the pool and back again. Made me wonder what the rich people were doing at the time.

????: Me and Philthy returned to our room, got cleaned up and lounged for a few hours, reading our newly purchased comics and screenplay books, and conspiring about our future film debut.

????: Hung out at the infamous "Room 208" party. 6 of us were about to order a TON of chinese food when I found out that these guys just had 3 TONS of it delivered to their room. We pitched in a few bucks and ate, then hung out up there for a few hours. Little did we know that we were missing the appearances of Vincent, and Mr. Phat Budz himself, Jay Mewes. Some of the infamous "Summary Gestapo" clan were in attendance, but peace, wine, women, and song were all on the agenda, so the Stash Bash rolled on without incident. Very cool guys.

????: Me and Philthy Phil moved down to the bar, which was almost empty when we arrived, but within a half hour, the party had moved down there. The dude from Group 2 who videotaped his tour and the Room 208 party hooked up his camera to the lounge TV and rolled his footage for us. Another CLASSIC MOMENT: The look of confused horror on the face of the mourners and priest in front of Posten's as a tour bus full of drunken, laughing, picture-taking 20-somethings pulls up in front of the joint.

????: Passed out in my room a little earlier than the night before. There were some STRANGE but FAMILIAR noises coming from the other bunk, so it looks like Philthy was getting busy with some lucky female. I caught a glimpse of who he was with, and you guys would be SHOCKED if I told you. So shocked in fact that I don't think I'll be able to spill the beans on this one. Maybe one day when the statute if limitations is reached, the secret will be revealed.

Checked out of the Marriott at about 1300 (Last one to leave town). Me, Philthy, Kara, and Seth went into Manhattan for the day. Took the Staten Island Ferry in, bought some NYC swag on Canal Street Downtown, ate dinner at an Italian joint on Mulberry Street in Little Italy, and looked around in Times Square. After visiting the porno store on 42nd Street, we dropped off Philthy at Penn Station and headed back to the Ferry. Stopped in at Rich's house again, and the three of us were so bushed from the weekend that we decided to crash there. So we ate some junk food, watched some TV, slept like a log, and drove back to DC.

Where my Stash trip finally ended around Noon. Now it's back to work, no more partying. Nobody around here even knows what ViewAskew is. I'm a regular nobody. I get to live the rest of my live like a schnook.

So that's my story, it lasted 5 days, and was definitely one for the history books. I met WAY too many people to list, but everyone was VERY cool. Maximum respect to EVERYONE who partied, hung out, bought me a round, or gave me props for all the directions and newsletter stuff. And of course, BIG UP to Kevin, Kim, and the entire ViewAskew crew for putting on another fantastic and memorable event. You can bet your ass I'll be there next time

I've hung out with lots of crews in my life, from the old Graniteville Staten Island crew, to the Minority Posse at Shen High School, to Philthy's old "Magic Man" crew upstate, and I gotta say, I'm dam proud to be a part of the ViewAskew clan. So here's to the biggest and best bunch of slackers the world has ever seen! Salute'!

C-Ya next time

-The Marksman


Philthy Phil never gave me back the camera we took pictures with, so when he got home he walked 8 blocks to the store to get the film developed. This is a transcript of what happened there:

PHILTHY: (Walks into store)

CLERK: Can I help you?

PHILTHY: (Hands over camera) I need to get this film developed, but it's not my camera, so I don't even know how to open it.

CLERK: (Opens up camera) Well, the first thing you should have learned about this camera, is that you have to put film in it before you take pictures with it.

PHILTHY: Fuck me! This is a joke or a bad dream right?

CLERK: Did you lose anything important? Any once-in-a-lifetime photo ops?

PHILTHY: Fuck! FuckFuckFUCK!

RIBSY: (Walks into store) Hey Philthy Phil! Wats up man? Did you meet Kevin Smith this weekend? Got any good pics?


RIBSY: Guess not