Posted by Silenter-Bob at 112-pool1.ras10.nynyc.tii-dial.net on October 30, 2001 at 19:12:44:
I was really down today. I got rejected by a girl I really liked. Hence, I created this dialogue. I think it's the most moving I've ever written. And, to answer questions, I only through in the last tiny bit because after I'd written it I had felt better and couldn't leave this dialogue without one tiny little joke. Enjoy and please comment.
Silent Matt/Bob
Scene
(Two men sit in a bar. One has a full glass, the other a half empty glass. The one with the half empty glass takes a drink from it. Both men are quiet and stare at their glasses. Finally, one man turns to the other.)
FRANK
You gonna tell me what’s on your mind?
DARREL
(Pause)
Women.
FRANK
Care to talk about it?
DARREL
(Turns to FRANK then begins his story.)
Well, I got a new job, right? It paid better money. I figured it’d be better for me. I made friends at my new job real easily. Everyone there is nice. It’s like one family, almost.
FRANK
So far so good.
DARREL
Then, not knowing how I missed her, I saw this woman. She was very attractive. I mean, come on, whenever a guy notices a girl its almost always looks, right? I watched her. She was really pretty. Now, normally, I see a girl, and I’m like, one night stand. Nothing more. Just have sex with her and add her to the big black book. You following?
FRANK
Yeah.
DARREL
Well, I saw her and I saw something different. I saw…a relationship. A real one. A good one. I could picture her and I on a romantic evening watching the sun set, or some of that bullshit. Real love. Not just fake.
FRANK
Like the type you marry someone over.
DARREL
Yeah. Well I got to know her. I talked with her. A lot. We just talked and talked and talked. I found that we had the most…connected personalities ever. We liked many of the same things. She seemed like something God would send me in a time of need. Adam’s Eve. The perfect woman. You still following?
FRANK
Don’t worry, just continue your story.
DARREL
Well, I fell totally for her. I mean this girl was like…having the weirdest effect on me. She made me think differently about everything. I really wanted to just go up to her and ask her out. But I thought it would be a little awkward. I mean, here we are on the first week of our friendship, and I ask her out. It’s a little freaky, you know?
FRANK
Not really, but go on.
DARREL
I could almost tell there was a definate attraction to me from her, too. It’s one of those things you can sorta predict. So I felt, it doesn’t matter when I ask her out. She’ll say yes. We’re like peanut butter and jelly.
FRANK
Which are you?
DARREL
Huh?
FRANK
Peanut butter or the jelly.
DARREL
Hello! PeaNUTS? Can I go on?
FRANK
Sure, sorry.
DARREL
Well, the other day I was alone with her. I felt, ok, this is it. Now it’s time. I opened my mouth to speak and she said ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I gotta run. Hug before I go?’
FRANK
She said ‘Hug before I go?’
DARREL
Yeah. Well, I didn’t manage to ask. I watched her go and sat for a minute, thinking about what had happened. The next day I was approached by a co-worker. She told me that that girl was upset I didn’t say it. I said I almost did, but was interupted. So my co-worker said go do it now! I figured, allright, I know it’s a yes, right? So I did. I caught her on the stairs and asked.
FRANK
She said no?
DARREL
She said ‘I don’t wanna ruin our friendship. It’s too good. I’m afraid to lose it.’
FRANK
Ouch.
DARREL
Very, especially since: A, she would say yes, and B, this is what I had thought would be better.
FRANK
What?
DARREL
Building a good friendship and knowledge of each other.
FRANK
Oh. This is why your down?
DARREL
Yeah. And you know what the weirdest thing was.
FRANK
What?
DARREL
I knew I would get a no.
FRANK
I thought you said you were sure you’d get a yes?
DARREL
You know that voice deep inside you that tells you exactly what you don’t wanna hear?
FRANK
Yeah, I know the one. It’s always bugging me.
DARREL
It said that to me. Right before I asked. It said what she said. The son of a bitch…
FRANK
Hey, I’m sorry man.
DARREL
And I link this to my childhood too.
FRANK
How so?
DARREL
I once took a rock of a grave.
FRANK
What?
DARREL
I was a kid! And I thought it was pretty and smooth.
FRANK
Did you keep it?
DARREL
No I put it back because I was told a little legend of how if you take something from a grave you have bad luck. When you’re a kid you’ll believe anything.
FRANK
You can say that again.
DARREL
So, due to this, even though I’m a bit old, I believe this has to do with it. I think that some divine being just has it in for me. I haven’t ever had a string of good luck. Well…except for…well that doesn’t really matter.
FRANK
No, tell me.
DARREL
Well, I would always look at this shirt in the store. I tried it on. It’s a great shirt. I’m wearing it right now. And finally, I bought it. And ever since then I’ve had this streak of good luck. The first of those were meeting that girl. But I guess I have to get over it. I started even believing those stupid fortune cookies.
FRANK
I feel your pain, buddy. Different story, but basically the same. New job, new girl, new loss. But I realized after I was rejected that I really didn’t see anything at all. I felt something, but I think it was a subconsious trying to make me not feel like a jerk.
DARREL
Why would you feel like a jerk?
FRANK
First thing I noticed was her ass.
DARREL
I’ve been down that road.
FRANK
(Looks at his watch)
Well, I gotta split. I’ll talk to you later.
DARREL
Yeah, later.
FRANK
(Gets up, then turns back to DARREL)
By the way.
DARREL
Yeah?
FRANK
What are you gonna tell your wife?
DARREL
What she doesn’t know-
FRANK
Doesn’t hurt her, I got you. Later.
DARREL
Bye.
(DARREL twirls a straw in his drink, downs it, and leaves)