Posted by Jessica Rabbit at 207-232-126-75.ip.van.radiant.net on May 27, 2003 at 12:40:25:
In light of "Sharon Stones Pimp" telling us he was going to kill his room mate, I thought it might be fun to hear about other peoples weird experiences with their room mates.
I've had a few, but these are the cream of the crop!
1. Trout Boy
Two girls and a guy sharing a flat in Wilsden. I'm away on holidays but my flatmate Alison is up on night watching TV. Our guy flatmate, Simon, has a habit of cooking late at night. This particular night it's about 10.30pm and Ali asks what he's cooking because it stinks to the heavens. Simon (under the light of the overhead range hood) turns to her with tongs in hand and says in this really creepy voice.... "Trooooooooooooooooout". The resumes cooking. Alison continually locks her door for the rest of the time I'm away.
2. Trout Boy - Part II
Ali and I are having a black tie dinner for her birthday. About 12 of us in this incredibly formal setting in the flat. Simon and this skank he's picked up for the night come home, so drunk they can hardly stand and then retire to his room. They turn up Neil Diamond (Crackling Rose) and place it on repeat. They then swing open the door and take turns throwing up in the bathroom toilet and sink - which they don't clean up. They then retire back to his room where good old Crackling Rose is still cranked up and pass out. After repeated bashing on the door, I enter the room to find Simon and the girl butt naked on the bed. I turn off the stereo, leave the room and immediately call my therapist for treatment.
When Simon gets up the next morning, he can't understand why we are asking him to leave by the end of the week.
3. Goth Girl
My mother is visiting and Goth Girl is in the kitchen making us a cup of tea. All of a sudden from no where Goth Girl announces that she became very "nipple aware" at a very young age and that she was wondering when I became "nipple aware" (whatever that is). The only weird thing is that she is asking my mother.
4. Goth Girl - Part II
Tells us that if she is away from the flat at any point in time, she wont be liable for paying any of the bills. Hence when we get the bills in, she takes them and breaks them down to an hourly cost per person. She then calculates the time she is away from the flat (work, going out etc) and deducts whatever this time is from the bill. Upon presenting this to us she then figures out she made a mistake as she didn't deduct the time she was sleeping.
5. Goth Girl - Part III
Came home one night in a blind panic clothes torn and all messed up. Told us she had just been raped in Victoria station while people walked by and did nothing. We call the Police who come around and are very patient as Goth Girl is losing her mind. They offer to take her to the hospital for an examination which she declines. She tells them where it happened and the Police go and look. The entire area is baracaded off as they are doing some type of repair work. Turns out the story is a complete fabrication. She is charged and fined with being a public nuisense - we tell her she has to move out.
6. Sad Groupie
This poor girl, all she ever did was follow around boy bands. She was a year younger than me (I was 27 or 28 at the time) and she spent most of her time telling me how Hanson were underappreciated and that Taylor (who was about 14 or so) was the sexiest thing she had ever seen. I were subjected to Hanson videos until I could take it no more and moved the television into my room.
I've had some interesting flat mates, I would be interested to know if anyone else has had similar experiences or if it's just me.
~K