Posted by jkm822 at michigan.mgmt.rpi.edu on May 27, 2003 at 13:58:33:
In Reply to: Look what I found on a co-workers computer... posted by Altmann on May 27, 2003 at 13:33:34:
:Chicks, please say that this is NOT what every chick wants.
No, of course not!
: 1. HE HAS TO BE 6’FT TO 6’4’’
Nope. I'm only 5'4", so that'd be way too damned tall. Actually, I kinda like guys who aren't that much taller than me. I DO require taller than me, but at 5'4", that ain't hard to manage.
: 2. MUSCULAR WITH NICE PECKS, ABLE TO PICK ME UP EASILY, VERY NICELY BUILT
Again, nope. I do like a man with good strong arms, but I'm not overwhelmingly fond of being picked up. Actually, I tend to beat men who try it about the head and shoulders, and not in a feeble, womanish kind of way.
: 3. NOTHING OUT OF PROPORTION
Oook. And she expects to find this... how? A life-sized Ken doll?
: 4. NICE PENUS, ABOUT 7 INCHES
Scratch the Ken Doll theory. Personally, I don't give a shit about that.
: 5. RITCH, RITCH ENOUGH TO SUPPORT US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES AND THEN SOME
Well, I won't lie - that certainly wouldn't suck. It's not a requirement, though.
: 6. WORKS HERE.
Didn't she ever learn that mixing love and work is almost never good?
: 7. SAME GOALS AND PURPOSES.
Well, won't that be a fascinating relationship? I bet she wants them to be able to finish each other's sentences, too. BO-RING.
: 8. GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY
Always nice. My family has pretty good judgement on this sort of thing. They fucking HATED my ex, but they were right about him. ;-)
: 9. BE ABLE TO SUPPORT MY PARENTS WHEN THEY GET OLD, BUT THEY DON’T LIVE WITH US, NEARBY WOULD BE NICE THOUGH.
One would imagine that should be a joint effort, eh? Or is she just planning on spending the rest of her life barefoot and pregnant?
: 10. WANTS AND LOVES KIDS.
I haven't even made my OWN decisions on this yet, I'm hardly going to say I REQUIRE it of an imaginary possible mate.
: 11. IS OK WITH ADOPTING THE SAME RATIO OF KIDS THAT WE HAVE.
Nooooooo. What is this, the Brady Bunch?
: 12. NOT RACIST
THAT, I require. Yay! She got one right!
: 13. UPTONE, DOESN’T PUT UP WITH MY SHIT, DOESN’T GIVE ME ANY
What the fuck is uptone? Relationships require that you dish shit out to each other. What makes them last isn't that shit doesn't get thrown - how is that even possible, unless you've got him so pussywhipped it's just sad? - but that after shit has been thrown, you can forgive each other.
: 14. SAME COMM LAG AS ME
I don't even know what that means.
: 15. VERY IN COMM
Or that.
: 16. LOVES ANIMALS
Always good, but I don't much care. I'm allergic. ;-)
: 17. WILL TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER, A MOVIE AND WHAT EVER ELSE, AND HE PAYS
Again, it'd be nice. At least occasionally. But he'd have to be able to deal with it if I want to pay, too.
: 18. I WANT TO FIND THIS GUY WHEN I GET BACK FROM LA WITH IN 3 MONTHS, THE SOONER THE BETTER
*snarf* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Good luck!
: 19. GETS ALONG REALLY WELL WITH MY FRIENDS ESPECIALLY CHRIS, JULIE, MATINA, COLIN, WELL THE LIST GOES ON, THE POINT IS HE IS REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH THEM.
A good thing, to be sure. But you also want some friends that are just yours. Having been in a relationship chock full of mutual friends, things got REALLY uncomfy when we broke up.
: 20. HE HAS TO HAVE A REALLY NICE FAMILY WHO ARE , NO FAMILY MEMBER IS ANTAGONISTIC
What planet is she from? All families have antagonistic members. If they don't, they're fucking Stepford people.
: 21. GOOD HYGENE NOT SMELLY, ANYWHERE.
OK, she's got me there. I have to agree. Though exceptions are made for certain situations. :-)
: 22. GOOD ABILITY TO ADAPT TO ME.
Well, yeah, I guess. But that goes both ways.
: 23. STAYS IN EXCHANGE WITH ME, I STAY IN GOOD EXCHANGE WITH HIM
And this means what, exactly?
: 24. NOT MEAN OR PUSHY
OK, I'll agree with that.
: 25. VERY FUNNY, CAN ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH, BUT KNOWS WHEN IT ISN’T APPROPRIATE
So far, this is the best she's got. This is the only one I can say yes, I absolutely require that in a relationship.
: 26. SMART, IQ OF AROUND 130
HA HA HA HA HA!!! I'd find this less amusing if she didn't have the spelling of a demented 5th grader.
I'd like a smart guy, but I've never gone around asking anyone what their IQ rating is. I don't even know what MINE is.
: 27. WE GET MARRIED IN 6 MONTHS
Let me reiterate: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
: 28. I WANT A BIG DIAMOND ON OUR ENGAGEMENT RING
Blecch. Who cares?
: 29. I WANT A HUGE, BEAUTIFUL WEDDING
In 6 months? Man, I want some of the drugs this chick is on.
: 30. HE KEEPS ME HAPPY
No, that's not too vague.
No one's happy all the time, you silly little person.
: 31. NO MAGOR FIGHTS
What, so no magic? Or is this some other weird fantasy reference?
If there's no major fights in your relationship, ever, you don't have a relationship. You have people who have no emotional attachment. Anyone who truly cares about you is going to get good and pissed off every once in a while.
: 32. LOVES TO HOLD ME
OK, with her here.
: 33. BLACK, BUT NOT TOO DARK, SOME LIGHT RACE MIX… YUMMM!!!!!
Don't care.
: 34. ISN’T VIOLENT
YES!! OK, that's two she's got wholehearted agreement on.
: 35. HAS A DAMN NICE CAR, LIKE A PORCHE BOXTER OR A DODGE DERANGO
Oh, good Christ. A guy with a license would be a step up from my last boyfriend. A car that works would be a HUGE improvement.
: 36. BUYS ME A DAMN NICE CAR
I'll buy my own damned car, thank you very much.
: 37. THROUGHS ME A SURPRISE PARTY ON MY BIRTHDAY
I hate surprises.
: 38. LOVES ME MORE THAN I CAN PUT INTO THIS IDEAL SCENE
Whatever that means.
: 39. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN I CAN PUT INTO THIS IDEAL SCENE
And again.
: 40. WE LOOK GREAT TOGETHER
Don't care. If I'm happy, I don't much care whether we look mismatched. I'm more frightened by people who start to look alike after being together for a while. Creeeeeppppyyy.
: 41. WON’T CARE IF I GAIN A FEW POUNDS
Woo-hoo!! 3 that I totally agree with! That's 3 out of 41!
: 42. ALWAYS SUPPORTS ME, IN WHATEVER I CHOSE, BUT STATES HIS OPINION CLEARLY
OK, I'll agree with that.
: 43. WE ARE 100% HAPPY TOGETHER
Dream on, dream until your dreams come true....
: 44. GOOD TEETH, CLEAN, STRAIGHT, WHITE, NOT STAINED
Having all of them'd be great. And I do require toothbrushing on a daily basis. But I don't much care if they're stained. Mine aren't perfect either.
: 45. BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18 AND 24 YEARS OLD
Not even close, but then, she's 23, and I'm 27.
: 46. COMPLETELT READY FOR COMMITMENT
It'd be nice. But I don't even know if I am, at this point. I used to be, but now... well, it's not something I'd say I REQUIRE.
: 47. DRESSES NICE, SHOPS AT PLACES LIKE: J CREW, THE GAP, ETC, VERY NICE STYLE
Oh, who cares. I'm happy in jeans and a t-shirt that says "Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies," with an ancient, pin-covered denim jacket or a comfy hoody. How can I ask more of my significant other? As long as he WEARS clothes, they're not utterly hideous, and they're clean, that's all I ask.
: 48. WE MOVE INTO MY HOUSE AFTER ABOUT A MONTH OF DATING, LIVE THERE FOR SIX MONTHS TO A FEW YEARS, THEN GET A PLACE OF OUR OWN
It's nice how she's got everything all planned out, isn't it?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!
: 49. PASSIONATE, LIKE ME BUT DOESN’T GET CARRIED AWAY, LOVES THAT I AM SO PASSIONATE
Whatever.
: 50. SOCIAL, FRIENDLY
I'm not, always. I don't expect anyone else to be. On special occasions'd be nice.
: 51. LIKES ME, AND ONLY ME…
4!! 4 that I agree with completely!!! Sorry, I've been cheated on before.
: I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!
Neither can I!!!!!!!
(For her to find out what the real world is like!)