Posted by Heather & the infinite sadness at netcache-2004.public.lawson.webtv.net on July 18, 2003 at 23:10:34:
I came to this board as a fan of Kevin Smith, i met some witty and funny people and enjoyed myself here. My husband started posting here too.
As alot of you have seen, my husband has left me, I am still very much in love with him I hold no anger or malice towards him, and will be glad to keep him in my life anyway possible, for him, he wants us to transition to very close friends.
Its hard for me here for two reasons:
1-I have gone on and on publicly about my happy marriage, how Scott was such a
blessing and so wonderful, which he is. He is an incredible man, kind, gentle, and caring. I have also discussed my faith extensively. But, what I did not know was, I was the only happy one. Because of personal issues within myself, i
had let meaningless, stupid things, rob me of the ability to show affection to Scott. Hurting him, and eventually making him fall out oflove with me.
He still loves me he says. Just does not want to be married to me.
2.a-There is a poster here he
had befriended, and well, he and she are kinda online more than friends. You have no idea what it
is
like for your
husband to tell you someone else tells him they love him. The pain is indescribalbe.
I feel disrespected by this person.
She does not post here much now..but, when i come here i just am reminded of it.
2.b-Another incident between Scott and a female p oster here as well
I mean, I brought him here....I am real confused right now, hurting, raw, fragile.....
I want to fight for my husband...11 years is a long time for a relationship....so much invested....so many experiences together, so much
love...
I have grown away from the friends i
used have not online...and i feel like.. i have noone i am close to...Scott was enough for me all these years......my heart, my air, my food...the love i have for him is so deep...so..much....i feel like i am slowly dying, like i should be fighting
for him, but, then i feel like if i let him go maybe he will grow to love me in the same way he once did.....(which he has not burned that bridge he says)....I am not ready for other women to love my husband....that is just too much for me to bare...
He will be moving on and find love, if he w ants it....I do not have the same options... i am physically limited badly...which is why i am stuck
under the marshell law that is my mother taking care of me....she is making my life hell....I have medications i have to take, and she gets upset that they have run out , she gets upset over me running the a/c...she comes into this disgusting apartment she rented for me and bitches at me for things, like if the cap to my water fell in the floor and ididnt notice.... i am 33 years old people....
I am in my worst nightmare... Ive lost the man i love, i am alone,
in a horrible place in the country (i despise the country) a 12 hour drive from my only friend, who is the man divorcing me, no car, i am in poor health/physical shape and have nowork experience so i can not really go get a job, I cant even get to church, which might help, and if idid i dont even know what sunday school class ibelong in ,, marrieds or single adults...
everyone i was friends with in the past are in the marrieds class...
I am so sorry to
spill personal stuff here... God...I am just so scared and hurting and alone...and have so few options..Please..no..flames...I just....i dont know...
all the positive talk, doesnt help
because i am not like a n ormal person, i cant just go out and get a job and make friends, i have a very bad social phobia/anxiety problem....
I feel like my life is over.....
Scott is everything for me......and i am not ready to lose that....he met all my needs emotionally... and he is trying, as a friend....My whole life, before him, no man ever touched me, told me i was beautiful, never treated me as if they saw me as a woman... and then God brought this beautiful, smart, funny, kind, loving man to me... we were so perfectly matched intellectually, mentally, emotionally, physically.... perfect mates...everyone i ever felt for prior to Scott was an unrequited situation....now...i am in that situation again with my own husband....i havnt been able to eat, or sleep.. I am just so tired..and weak....I slept and was able to keep food down for the first time in two weeks with him here with me......
I am sorry.. .i know some of you hate this stuff....I just....need to ,...i dont know...