Posted by Isis at 132.236.35.61 on July 11, 2001 at 10:28:38:
In Reply to: What women want posted by jkm822 on July 11, 2001 at 09:15:52:
About the passionate thing too...I feel I should clarify. When we're talking about the passion young girls have, we're talking about something that's for the most part made up in our own minds. I'm sure Jill can confirm that when you look back on the "bad boys" for whom you suffered long nights of weeping while listening to cheesy love songs on the radio (although I always leaned towards Liz Phair and Violent Femmes for post-relationship cleansing), the first thought in your mind is "What the hell was I thinking?" Those guys are chumps, not worthy of TRUE passion which only comes with wisdom and knowing what one really wants. Which is why we use suckas like that for dumping practice. Girls are creative, it's almost like role-playing, these *soaring* emotions which are really for our own benefit rather than being appropriate to the situation. Like Jill says, it may be romantic to think some girl just lives and dies on your whims, but nobody really enjoys a clingy lover.
And I'm so with you on being tired of the so-called nice guys. I've always been one to champion the sensitive artistic types, the supposably shy slightly nerdly ones. Those are the ones that melt my butter, thus probably explaining my Kevin Smith fixation. But the nice guy act is a SCAM I tell you! One that I will doubtlessly fall for again. But never, never if it comes in a white hat, humming "The Real Slim Shady" and cursing aloud while playing Doom 24-7. I only really learned one thing in college ;)
: : a young girl's stupid, fumbling affections, rather than get ridden by bitter, fierce, cynical experienced women, that is not my fault.
: Isis is SO right on this, guys. Trust us. The mistakes - and yes, the passionate, up & down, make-up/break-up relationships that we have in our inexperienced youth are MISTAKES, generally - cause us to be a little pickier as we move along in life. Whether or not this is what the guys want to hear, it's true - after going through those tumultuous relationships, we're not looking for the guy who we love to the exclusion of all else, usually almost against our wills, and despite the fact that he treats us like shit. We look at these things through the eyes of experience, and look for the guy that we feel passionate for, enjoy being around, and enjoy having a relationship with that DOESN'T have to entail constantly being together. That means everyone gets some "me" time, and don't you dare deny that clingy women are annoying, because noone likes having a two-legged puppy dog. Do they? I've dated clingy guys (usually in the disguise of "nice guy," for the record) and I know it bugs the hell out of me. We're looking for a lover AND a friend, instead of believing that THIS one is going to be the answer to all our lovelorn prayers. It may not sound as romantic, guys, but I assure you that it's far, far better for everyone involved. And that's not to say there's no romance, either - just that this time there's usually some thought processes going on.
: Regardless, the sex with the bitter, fierce, cynical, experienced women is generally far, far better. So, there's always that.
: : And I'm telling you The Dude exists. Mine is named Joe. My roommate's is named Stu. These dudes come around, and they are great guys & our friends...and we claim we don't want them...but would we get pissed off if we stole each other's Dude? Yes. This is not to say you necessarily are The Dude, but there is that possibility.
: I've got a few Dudes, too. And for what it's worth, I get jealous as hell when they start dating other women.
: : By the way, in case anyone was ever wondering, nice guys do not exist. When someone labels themselves a "nice guy" it generally means "i'm fucked up and I have problems and I'm super-sensitive". Nice guys end up being as self-centered and poontang-priviledge-abusive (if not more) than your average white-hat fratboy. The Scoundrel is he who exposes his slight nastiness for the fun and the honesty of it, but is quietly caring and deep beneath his roguish facade.
: : And should I ever meet this Scoundrel I pledge him eternal love and booty.
: Absolutely. I've been screwed over by more seemingly nice guys than I care to number here; I don't buy that act anymore. If you're nice, great, but it's far more attractive if you're just honest about who you are and have enough sense of humor to be able to laugh at yourself. I love that description of the Scoundrel; hey, Isis - if you find an extra one, could you send him my way? ;-)
: Jill
: By the way - that comment about dirty white hat boys made me laugh out loud. I haven't thought of that breed since I was in college! :-D