Posted by Kevin at spider-tj054.proxy.aol.com on February 24, 2000 at 10:06:10:
In Reply to: UMass Trip posted by Jennifer S. on February 24, 2000 at 03:26:34:
Ladies and gentlemen, my wife.
I've gotta say, for the record, that at the start of our relationship (and
even now, from time to time), I, too, felt as Mark Cowling feels - that it
seems myopic to focus on violence against one gender/race/whatever, when
it's ALL violence that should be vanquished instead. Why say "Don't beat
women," when the thought should be "Don't beat anybody"? I guess it was
the Christian idealist in me thinking that if we broke ourselves into
sub-groups less and thought of ourselves as one world more, there'd be less
of an adversarial relationship between the sexes/races/creeds/etc.
But after a lot of kicking and screaming on my behalf as I fought for the
remaining safety and idealism of my microcosm that's - thankfully - never
been rocked by hate and or violent crime, I finally 'heard' my wife on the
subject of violence against women, and the inherent fear women feel in a
society that allows rape to happen, and then demands that they prove it
wasn't an invited act in a court of law.
One in three women ARE raped - that's a statistical fact. And when Jen was
able to break down my patriarchal blinders and my insistence that "It's
violence against people, not women", I became sadder but wiser in regards
to women's issues and more learned on the difference between 'societal
issues' (shit that can happen to anybody) and 'women's issues' (shit that
I'll never have to fear personally) in general.
For example: I used to feel that I've only ever known two women who've been
raped. How sad a thought is that? 'Only two'? Imagine saying "I've only
known two people who were murdered." Or "I've only known two guys who've
had their dicks brutally cut off against their will." Society's become so
- not so much tolerant as - accepting of rape that someone like myself
knows two people who've survived it and I've felt (at one point) that those
are pretty low numbers. That's sad.
One of the problems was having solely a male perspective on the subject of
rape. Of course, I've always felt that rape was a horrible crime that no
woman should have to experience. But it's such an abstract subject to me,
as I'm a man. The only time rape is a very real threat to me is if I go to
prison. All I have to do, then, is not go to jail, and I'll live a
rape-threat-free life. But my wife, my daughter, your sister, your mother
- rape, for them, is a constant threat that they can't help but fear when
they wake up in the morning. Women can't simply avoid jail to avoid
rape. To avoid all chances of rape, they have to avoid men in general.
It's like living your life as a constant prisoner.
Unless you're my wife, of course - who's made it her mission in life to a)
never be the victim of anyone, let alone a man, and b) enlighten dumbasses
like myself as to the gruesome stats regarding male on female violence.
And after much denial (due to my desire to live in as hassle-free a world
as possible), she got through to me. I used to play devil's advocate with
her all the time (for example: there's a woman-beating joke made; she
maintains that if it was made about blacks, jews, etc. that it wouldn't be
socially acceptable; I point out that that was Bill Donohue's argument
about 'Dogma'; she, rightfully, wants to strangle me for making such an
absurd comparison, as a perceived insult to a faith does not compare to the
very real numbers of women who are sexually assaulted and physically abused
every day), but I can't anymore. Why play devil's advocate in the face of
a problem that's so prevalent, one can't turn on the news or open a paper,
or watch a movie or t.v. show without reading/seeing/hearing a story of
male-on-female rape or abuse. The devil doesn't need an advocate anymore;
he just needs to be stopped.
Why am I suddenly so sensitive to this subject?
Fuck, man - I have a daughter and a wife. And while I don't need to
instruct my wife on the subject (as she's instructed me), I WILL be
teaching my daughter that if any man lays a hand on her in a way that's not
invited or overly aggressive, then she's to take the mother fucker's life.
No questions asked, no exceptions made. It may not be a Christian
approach, but what can I say? I'd rather have a daughter than a martyr.
She'll never be a victim, if Jen or I can help it.
So thanks, Boo - for everything you've given me, AND for teaching me
something that I'm ashamed I didn't already know. I'm proud of you. You
continue to rock my world, and I love you more than life.
Am I whipped? Oh yeah. But am I complaining? Hell no. Why not?
Because in addition to everything else, my wif